True Purity.

I haven't really figured out what this blog is.. is it a prayer offered up to Jesus? Is it confessions, and scramblings of thoughts that come out of a pocket in my heart that the holy spirit has been pouring into and pruning? I'm not sure but I felt compelled to type out exactly what I mean Jesus.. you know my heart.. now let me articulate..
Jesus what is purity? Beloved what is purity? There's a scripture in Pslms that asks who can ascend to the mountain of the Lord? One with a pure heart and clean hands, one that doesn't lift their soul to another, or swear falsly

Pslm 24 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
Who may stand in his holy place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false. [a]

5 He will receive blessing from the LORD
and vindication from God his Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. [b]
Selah

7 Lift up your heads, O you gates;
be lifted up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.

8 Who is this King of glory?
The LORD strong and mighty,
the LORD mighty in battle.

9 Lift up your heads, O you gates;
lift them up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.

10 Who is he, this King of glory?
The LORD Almighty—
he is the King of glory.
Selah

Jesus I had an encounter in my room with you when I was seeking your face, when I challenged you as a teenager that I wasn't going to chase you unless you were real and authentic and I gave you everything I had those few days and you wrecked me. I still remember that sweet simple message you gave me that pierced my heart for the past six years. I kept praying it I remember it was sweet to my soul, I wanted a pure heart, and clean hands. I wanted to pure in my intentions and affections I just wanted to be real I wanted clean hands. The holy spirit had spoken to me that it's all about being pure, but can we be pure on our own? Certainly not! We need you holy spirit to lead us in all truth, see my heart is deceitfully wicked I will seek the holy spirit for my blessings, my spiritual hype, my word or prophecy, my gifts, my attention, my respect, my name, my Glory, my fame, my future, My husband, my ministry, my name sake, to save my own face. But Jesus had to circumsize layer after layer of why I need to seek him. A lot of things have been pricking my heart lately.. Maybe it's satan trying to discourage me or maybe it's the holy spirit pricking me to test my own heart. Whatever it is, it's put the fear of G-d in me and even as I type my soul is longing for the Lord. Because he's the only one I can hold onto right now. I went to see some friends lead worship the other night, these guys are amazing talented and annointed and I'm pretty sure all of the charismatic southern church go-ers know this also. So their of course was a lot of excitement leading up to them leading worship, probably a lot of impure motives to see these talented musicians play, probably a lot of misplaced hye. He addressed the church with a rebuke for the church's sake when ushering in the presence of the Lord. I'm sure he knows just like every other minister that even the audience has false expectations. He basically made some statements that were bold and upfront about the true reasons to come to a worship night and then gave the opportunity for the audience to leave, it was very good. Reminded me of Keith Green in a lot of ways. I felt really had peace when he addressed the audience with this message, I was cleansing my own soul of false expectations of a "Bless Me" meeting ,and just wanted to stare into my father's heart and know him. And being ushered into worship with the washing of a rebuking cleanse made my heart tender. We then just waited on the Lord, it was good. But towards the end of the night as they jumped from one song to the next I started to fix my eyes off Jesus and was wondering about some of the crazy audience members. I feel as if I've gotten into this place of really realising when the Lord and the holy spirit shows up verses us just substituting the real holy spirit for a false cop out. I didn't know if the pple that were acting crazy falling on the floor were really getting touched or not, I didn't know if the guy was really getting healed, or if some of the girls really knew that this wasn't a concert and we probably shouldn't be jumping on chairs when are shirts are low and shorts too short. Ok.. so you see hear are all my filthy judgemental thoughts, Who am I to judge? I was so refreshed that the church had been rebuked yet I had fallen into the same thing I was warned against. My eyes became off Jesus.. see instead of being so concerned about the holy spirit showing up and obsessing over us having a bless me meeting. I became the holy spirit judge, judging the hearts of God's people making sure if the holy spirit did move with healings and power people were recognizing that verses their own flesh. My own wickedness kinda disgusted me.. and made me realise how horrible I am and how much I was missing out on just loving him during the service.The holy spirit resists the proud but gives grace to the humble, even if those pple expected such a might move of the holy spirit they got caught up doing crazy things in faith to manipulate or bring the move of the Lord. That's still more pure, than me judging them and not focusing on Jesus. Even if those girls were treating it like a concert, maybe they were really excited to listen to music that honored G-d and maybe they haven't gotten conviction on modesty, their motives are still more pure than my judgemental ones. The Lord says that we cannot judge people's hearts we can judge the sin but we can't assume the root of the sin.. because some people yes even christians are ignorant and without the holy spirit bringing conviction of things and shining light on dark areas who are we to judge? What is not brought into light?

My heart is deceitfully wicked.


I had another instance recently that really has messed me up but I want to elaborate more on that later....my back is really bothering me right now, Jesus please heal my back.