Father!

Father I'm tired.. I'm tired of this fallen world. I'm really sick of it, I'm sick of my emotions, I'm sick of trying to purge my body,mind, and soul from the poison I fed it for years, I'm tired of people not standing on TRUTH, and I'm sick of TRUTH being so corrupted.. yet I'm sick of people being so hard hardened with their views also. I'm tired of seeing depression, anxiety, heart ache, I'm sick of soul ties, I'm sick of nightmares, I'm so tired of it all. Abba I just want to die to all this.. the other day someone came back into my life that I hadn't seen in forever and that I wasn't ready to see he's homosexual and he used to be one of my best friends. I love him A LOT and he loves me a lot, he's a good friend, I used to drink with him and smoke with him. He came back into my life and my heart sank because everything I knew back then about being a good friend was a complete lie, I was never Jesus to him. I never was filled with the holy spirit, and now I love him soo much more but I'm also burdened with the pains and depression he's gone through in the last year. I'm burdened with his sin, and I'm burdened with the sin of the world. I'm burdened with my lack of love, I keep trying hard to muster up enough faith and love to walk out holy spirit things... kingdom things. Yet I'm so bogged down with disbelief and comforts. I've been reading the bible lately and it's been messing me up, christianity is just not what it supposed to be.. I'm glad america came up with something cool to do on sunday mornings, and to make you good enough to not be convicted of righteousness, judgement, and sin. I've been praying a lot and reading Luke and I've been seeking out my theological stand on things.. for whatever that means.. and I've gotten this from christianity 101.


OK so lets just throw some things out on the table I've been seeking Jesus lately, asking pleading for the holy spirit and eating the scroll now I believe the Christianity that we've become a part of is a imitation of what the bible talks about.. this means it could be the spirit of the anti-christ. But don't fret beloved, he has mercy on us! that is the humble.. the bible says he detests the proud but he has grace to the humble. So if we humbled ourselves and repent for where we've been wrong, then possibly we can truly serve the messiah with a spirit of truth, integrity, and purity of heart. Lets not give the maimed animals anymore.. he doesn't deserve that, and who are you fooling anyways? that's disgusting.. and he is the RIGHTEOUS, LION OF JUDAH, FIERCE, AND A GREAT LOVER nothing gets by him, who are you trying to fool? The Lord has told me to read Luke.. so I've been reading, praying, asking for the holy spirit to breath on it and make my heart pure. Because my heart is wicked deceitful, who can trust it? I'm sick of trusting my filthy heart.. I'm going to bet my life on his word from now..

So I want to first state that the Lord doesn't call everyone.. he's not out there selling popcorn at a baseball game yelling who wants salvation and heaven? get it now while it's hot and ready! No he's not like that.. I read in Luke 24 that he has to CALL you.. and he doesn't touch the proud.. he actually makes fun of the proud and mocks them as it says in pslms because there judgement is coming. In Luke 24:39 "For the promise is for you and for your children, and for all who are far off, as many as the Lord our God will call". As many as he calls.. Second the spirit has to testify to your salvation..this my friend is called the holy spirit.. part of the triune God that no one likes to talk about. He sent us the holy spirit to convict us of sin, righteousness, and judgement John 16:7-11. If you don't feel the holy spirit and he doesn't bring conviction into your life.. than most likely you never were desperate or humble enough to receive salvation in the first place and he doesn't know you. Look just because you go to church doesn't mean your saved, just because you felt bad when you felt convicted of your sin doesn't mean your saved, salvation is repentance that means you have cried out "have mercy on me a sinner" and you pleaded with God for mercy on your soul, and you turned away from unrighteousness. The lord distinctively asked me this question one night, "Brooke what if you don't know me? what if you don't recognize me when you die? what if you don't know me like a friend?" and it was years till I felt secured in the fact that he is my only friend. And he had mercy on me, I still don't know why.. because I still have so much pride left in my life. Luke 13:25 "Once the homeowner gets up and shuts the door, then you will stand outside and knock on the door, saying 'Lord, open up for us!' He will answer you, 'I don't know you or where you're from. Then you will say, We ate and drank in Your Presence and You taught in our streets!" Man.. that gets me we ate and drank in your presence? I don't care if you've witnessed the presence of God and partook in it, he doesn't need kids that like him on spiritual highs, he doesn't need people that listen to his word preached on Sunday, he needs desperate crazy followers and lovers of him. And yes you Absolutely HAVE to be crazy to follow him.. it's without a doubt, if you read your bible you will come to the conclusion that he does not want you half in and half out, wants you all or nothing, their are no wall flowers in the kingdom of God. For the bible says that forceful men lay hold of the kingdom, not complacent lazy men. I don't care if you have ok fruit.. that looks good enough for this world to justify you, that doesn't mean you'll be justified in the eyes of God. I really got this concept during the fasting LTE. When crazy John says " Therefore produce fruit consistent with repentance. And don't start saying to yourselves, I have Abraham as our father,'for I tell you that God is able to raise up children for Abraham from these stones!" Luke 3:8 . See the pharisees produced fruit.. but it wasn't good,it wasn't birthed out of a heart of love they had pride and malice in their hearts just like it talks about it with the pharisee and the tax collector, the tax collector walked away justified for pleading for mercy while the pharisee became proud. See Jesus doesn't need you to be a christian.. he can make children raise up out stones, he's had mercy on America for far too long. And now he's taking his message to closed countries like China and richly pouring out his mercy on those who truly hunger for God's word and love.

I also want us to come to terms with the holy spirit.. not it would be easy to live our christian life without the holy spirit, but we have to come to terms that our christianity is not about us! I know that name is a cool title that may even come with a lot of perks but from now on just call yourself a humble slave of Jesus christ, so that people won't get you confused with those other white washed Christians. The will of a christian is to advance his kingdom and to labour for kingdom things.. it is ultimately to give God Glory using a filthy nasty unworthy vessel that he gets to shine through. The Lord says in Luke 11:23 "Anyone who is not with Me is against Me, and anyone who does not gather with Me scatters. That means if your not gathering people for his kingdom and your not laying hold of kingdom things just get out of the race.. because your making all the christians that are forerunners look bad. Your ruining true salvation and mercy with your friends, because you haven't repented for not loving Jesus enough to say something when your friends mock him and I'm not just talking about with words I'm talking about with actions. I realized that conviction is God's Mercy! and is mercy is o0o so sweet.. and I love my friends and I want them to at least have the chance to gain his mercy.. without it they are lost and will die in their sin.

Ok so back on track with the holy spirit, it must be pretty important if John went crazy in the desert for it, and Jesus was given power from it, and the disciples literally became drunk from it. It says in Ephesians 3:16 to eagerly seek them "I pray that He may grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be stengthened with power through His spirit in the inner man." with power beloved! don't we know we are weak.. and that we need his power to move things in the heavens?! Or do we even care enough to fight the fight that he has called us to? And to run the race he has set out for us? I want to give up sometimes I'm like Lord I see all this evil and corruption and I'm so tired of seeing it, and he invites me to labour with him in intercession, and fasting for the things that I am burdened to change, do we care enough? The word says that it has been granted to us to suffer with him, it has been GRANTED beloved! That it is our joy to witness persecution, and humiliation because he gets more of the Glory and we just want to see him increase and lifted high, and we DESIRE for us to be made lower, and to ulitimately decrease.
We cannot possible read the word of God without the holy spirit, this isn't just any other book beloved.. this is word, life, power, and a sword. And unless the holy spirit is upon us these words will fall on deaf ears, and we won't be able to understand how to use this sword. Luke 24:45 "Then he opened their mind to understand the scriptures", lets us pray that we may understand his scriptures we can gain this understanding through prayer.. let him know how bad you want it.

Another thing that we can't stand to do is wait upon the holy spirit but this is vital.. it will require out time, energy, and life.. Luke 24:48-49 says "You are witnesses of these things, And look, I am sending you what My father promised. As for you, stay in the city until you are empowered from on high" wait up on the holy spirit. We can really look at Anna with this ..Luke 2:37 "And was a widow for 84 years. She did not leave the temple complex, serving God night and day with fastings and prayers. Anna cared about kingdom things.. and she wasted her whole life to lay hold of them. Jesus never desired for us to just believe but he desired to impart us with the holy spirit to have power to forcefully advance his kingdom. Luke 12:49-50 "I came to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already set ablaze! But I have a baptism to be babtized with, and how it consumes me until it is finished!" Jesus was consumed with the babtism of the holy spirit.. so shall we. We have to wait for the holy spirit Luke 11:13 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly father give the Holy spirit to those who ask Him?" He wants to give you the holy spirit, just wait, and pray ask the Lord to renew in you a pure heart.. for the pure at heart will see God.

The Lord actually desires for you to live out in faith! He actually got pretty upset with his disciples for not having faith, he required it. How much faith do you have in healing? in prophesying? speaking in tongues? or evangelizing? Luke 9:41 "Jesus replied, "You unbelieving and rebellious generation! How long will I be with you and put up with you? Bring your son here".
Do we have enough faith to spend our lives for it? " Luke 18:6 Jesus is talking about the widow that irritated the judge going to him over and over again asking for justice verse 6 says "Then the Lord said, listen to what the unjust judge says, will not God grant justice to His elect who cry out day and night? Will he delay to help them? I tell you that he will swiftly grant them justice, nevertheless, when the son of man comes will he find that faith on earth?" Will he beloved? Will he find us full of faith being faithful to pray and pray. It also talks about in Mathew 6 Jesus is going over how to PRAY... how to Give... and how to FAST... he wouldn't go over them for fun, beloved these are essential things. We must let go of love of posessions. Luke 15:33 "In the same way, therefore, every one of you who does not say good--bye to all his posessions cannot be my disciple" Learn to GIVE!. Learn to say goodbye beloved.. the word says to throw of sin and everything that so easily entagles you.. does your morning latte entagle you? I know it does for me sometimes therefore I must fast from it, that my comfort may only be on him. We must fast, Mathew 17:21 "However, this kind does not come out except by prayer and fasting". Jesus also said his food was to do the will of the father.. could've he had eyes to see the women at the well's situation if he had not been fasting? Fasting enlightens our spiritual eyes..

Stay alert!
Ephesians 5:14 " For what makes everything clear is light therefore it is said: Get up, sleeper, and rise up from the dead, and the messiah will shine on you".
Wake up dead church! wake up dead people! stop sleeping the messiah is coming! raise up from the dead you weren't designed to be stagnant you weren't designed to sit as the enemy steals lives and people.

Ephesians 5:16-17 You don't have time to waste!
"Making the most of the time, because the days are evil. So don't be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is." The Lord's will his to purify his bride, to return, to save souls, and to establish his kingdom.. now take part in this!

Ephesians 6:18 "With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the spirit, and stay alert in this, with all perserverance and intercession for all the saints".

The Lord's kingdom will come! don't be afraid in Luke 12:32 says "Don't be afraid, little flock, because your father delights to give you the kingdom". So go out and evangelize and be bold he is with you and will never leave you nor forsake you. Unless you deny him before man.. then the bible says he will deny you before the father.

"Devote youselves to prayer, stay alert in it with thanksgiving" colossians 3:2 Lets like to pray! God says that his house is a house of prayer, but our church has made it a house of thieves.. lets pray

Luke 12:35 "Be ready for service and have your lamps lit. You must be like people waiting for their master to return from the wedding banquet so that when he comes and knocks, they can open the door for him at once."

Have your oil ready.. which means love the Lord intimately thouroughly, befriend the holy spirit. David longed and panted for the Lord he wanted God's secrets. "The secret counsel of the Lord is for those who fear him. And he reveals his covenant to them" pslm 25:14. Delight yourself in the Lord and stir up your soul, speak to your soul and tell it to awake and praise the Lord.

"In your behalf my heart says, "seek my face", Lord I will seek your face"Pslm 27:8 he is worthy , seek his FACE don't get too busy with the things of God that your forget to gain the most important thing... which is only one thing soo important.

Pslm 27:4 "I have asked one thing from the Lord, it is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the Lord and seeking Him in His temple"
Martha realized this too when Jesus talked to her about "one thing" being soo important. Luke 10:41-42
" The Lord answered her " Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but ONE THING is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her". Are we at his feet beloved gazing on the beauty of his face? Longing to be in his sanctuary when he returns?
"Lord I love the house where you dwell, the place where your glory resides" pslm 26:8

Like I said beloved I've been reading Luke and I want authentic love sick adoration and obedience from us and from myself.. I keep falling short of it.. but Jesus address those people as righteous saying that a righteous man falls 70 x 7 times but he keeps getting back up. We must lay hold of him.. and count everything else as loss phil 3:8 he is the one thing worth gaining even the religious things that we used to be apart of and used to justify us, are like dung for we are not righteous from the law, but we are righteous through faith our love in the Lord, let our goal be to know him and the power of his ressurection and the fellowship of his sufferings. Being conformed to his death- phil 3:7-10

Lord have mercy on us sinners! we have fallen short of the Glory with no hope other than our faith in our beloved Jesus, we cling to him in this fallen world and we will not rest until his kingdom comes! when we actually get to sit at your feet and gaze at your beauty. Purify us, let us redeem the time, affections, and vanities that we've foolishly invested into this world. We only desire you!

Love your beloved
Brooke
We must Fast.. we desire to bring God's kingdom. Notice that Jesus always says today the kingdom has been brought near, or been brought to you.

Jesus I just WANT you!

So I've been going out evangelizing every week, and I know you tell me to talk to different people and I do. And I say what needs to be said, but ABBA I need more of your love more of your words.. more of your touch. I need the holy spirit's kiss, I need to SEE what you SEE and be burdened with what your burdened for. I want your heart, just to linger by your feet. I have this big desire to know you and love on you, and for others also to share in that Joy. I feel like I'm doing enough to be satisfied but I don't want to be satisfied.. I don't just want to tell other people about you and their sin. I want you to encounter them, I want your loving arms to embrace them I want to be led by your spirit.

But first and foremost I need and desperately want some of that special love you have for me, I've desired it for so long to be so intoxicated with your love that it just overflows all over the place. But I haven't had any of that love in a long while.. so I'm going to wait for it. Because that LOVE that encounter with you Jesus is the only thing worth living for, so I'll sit here and gaze at your face.. your beautiful by the way even as an unattractive jewish man.. you are beautiful you are the lion of Judah.. you are MY FRIEND. So come and let your love been seen and known in a tangible way, I'll forsake all as loss for that love.

You are fairer than 10,000 men, Lord let your word your very own flesh come alive to me today. As I search your word to know about your loving character. Jesus let me talk to the people you want me to talk to, open up encounters and set up some divine meetings today. I love you Jesus