Eagerly Expect the promise! My skeptical heart on Revival and what Jesus says about it.

Jesus there is nothing better to look forward other than the fact that I expect you to come. If I fall short of expecting anything less, than I am in sin and faithless. I remember when you came and changed me for days.. and I remember feeling your presence drift away and I would do anything to keep holding onto it. But I remember it tangibly going away afer a few days, and I begged for it not to. And I tried to spend a lot of time with you in hopes that your presence would still be overflowing.. but I think I expected something to come next.. I started examing, caluculating, and thinking what this was and what it was looking like. And now next when you come and I know you will.. I'll just say Thank you, stay awhile.. dnt kill me but stay awhile. Holy spirit when you come THERE IS NO STRIFE. HOLY SPIRIT WHEN YOU COME THEIR ARE NO MEANS, NO PLANS, NO MANIPULATION.. YOUR PRESENCE OUT DOES ALL OF OUR MAN MADE PLANS, SCHEMES, OR SCHEDULES. HOLY SPIRIT WHEN YOU COME I DNT THINK ABOUT WHT I SHOULD BE DOING, WHAT ELSE I CAN DO, WHAT ELSE COMES NEXT, I JUST GET LOST IN A MOMENT OF ETERNITY. HOLY SPIRIT WHEN YOU COME THERE IS NO WORK TO DO, BUT IT'S LIKE A RIVER OVERFLOWING YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY AND DO AND THERE IS NOTHING TO ADD ONTO THAT. HOLY SPIRIT WHEN YOU COME THERE IS NOTHING ELSE..
Holy spirit when you come.. I feel like I am truly born again that new life has come and I don't even remember what it was like before, I remember calling Jek and telling him I think I just got saved. Holy spirit when you come I dont think before I speak, I don't try to smile, I dnt try to give honor to my parents or boss.. It all is just done by your empowering spirit. When I try to manipulate you to stay.. I lose you. When I try to contain you with some thoughts I lose you.. when I try to monitor or mute you I lose you.. when I feed any ounce of fear or selfish ambition you flee. When I don't just sit and stay undone when I try to get up your gone. Holy spirit when you come and I know you will again... I won't do a thing..
Holy spirit please touch me again.. I know revival is coming.
And THAT IS SUCH A WEIRD THING FOR ME TO SAY! Because I was more concerned with my character, my discipline, my love.. but holy spirit fulfills all those things.. but he gets the COMPLETE GLORY FOR IT. We won't be able to say a thing or add anything onto what the holy spirit does.. we'll just sit back and give Glory to the Father. Jesus I'm starting to recall the true moments and tastes of revival that I've seen.. and I remember getting lost in a whirlwind but when I tried to figure it out you left, when I tried to name it and claim it or manipulate it you fleed. You WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MAN MADE WISDOM. Because you are the promise of the Father you are NOT a step,a plan,an action,a wise decision, you are the fulfillment of what our abba promised. But holy spirit you are sensative.. and I don't want to grieve you this time. The spirit of this age has stolen so much but in a moment you restore soo much! and when you come THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. I keep feeling you say when I show up there is nothing else.. there is nothing else to look forward to, to plan for, it's the ultimate fulfillment of our soul. There is nothing else, I know when I tasted you I realised what real manna tasted like.. and now I'm hungry for more. And yes I love you and yes I know you.. but remember when the holy spirit was poured out you were LIKE IN THE ROOM WITH ME! YOU WERE LIKE FLOWING OUT OF MY MOUTH AND ON THE PHONE WHEN I TALKED TO PEOPLE AND IN THE KEYS OF MY COMPUTER.I seriously looked undone, and lovesick I remember now! You brought Complete revelation and I couldn't fathom going back to ingnorance.. when you come holy spirit everything else that we were doing before you came feels like complete ignorance not that we should by all means stop doing it. But we had put soo much emphasis on it.. and it became so impure.. but holy spirit when you come! Everything is like.. purifed! I remember that I felt the substance of real love, and true authenticity coming out of me and I remember it was pure. I didn't even have to wrestle with my thoughts, I didn't even have to repent for me heart, I didn't even have to try or strive, we just talked together non stop like it should be.. It was like all the sudden easy... Like you were all the sudden touching me and in the room with me and it was like pure bliss..
I want to go back to that moment.. I don't want you to flee..
I don't want to trade cop-out revelation for the divine ones that you show up with. I remember when the holy spirit showed me every impure thought and motive that I had in attempts of seeking him. And he left me with "YOU MUST COME TO ME WITH A PURE HEART" you must only want me, not even expecting him to solve our problems.. he already knows are problems better than we do. And like when the holy spirit comes he's better at praying for our problems and dealing with our problems than we are. Tonight the holy spirit came with a promise that HE WILL COME AGAIN! and I will in fact feel what I've felt agaian.
I've been wrestling with my heart about revival..
trying to wrap my carnal mind around it..
And really just being honest with the father about it and I basically was content with not having it because I had this whole mindset as a daughter not to expect or ask so much, not to be so forward and to be content with what I've been given. And to show Jesus that I'm really just seeking purity like trying to Just love or be humble. But then the Lord showed me that I was fearful.. and faithless.. and that I had this concept and mindset that he was a dad that could only afford to give me so little.. But he showed me that he is a father that is really rich and really full. And that he WANTS AND DESIRES to bring revival because he knows that in myself I cannot want him with a passion that blazes, I cannot want him with hunger, I cannot pant for him like the holy spirit does. And that if I asked the holy spirit would show up and I know and am now confident that he will come! I was once convinced that I was at dbc to focus on Preaching the Gospel I was going to keep it basic and just preach the Gospel and just be faithful in that. But now I see that I am in fact at DBC waiting on a promise.. waiting on a taste that will leave me wrecked and hungry for more the rest of my life. That will not only give way for me to preach the Gospel but will ACTUALLY empower me to preach the Gospel NOT JUST WITH AUTHORITY IN WHICH THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS GIVEN ME. But he will come and ACTUALLY save souls without any effort or strive on my part. I won't look for the words to say.. I want have to muster up the passion or the urgency, but I will be wounded and forever wrecked with it.
And NOW I'm here to say.. I am no longer afraid, skeptical, or hesitant about revival. I may still not fully understand it but this understanding I do have.. REVIVAL WILL LEAVE ME HUNGRY, AND THAT HUNGER WILL BRING GLORY TO JESUS THE REST OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SHAKE THE IMPACT IT HAS ON ME, AND THE URGENCY IT WILL PRESS ON MY SOUL. Now the Lord told me dnt stop doing what your doing.. you do your part and I'll do mine.
I am no longer content with just this but I'm this bold daughter marching into the throne room, going right up to my daddy and telling him "HEY! DAD! SEND YOUR PROMISE! SO THAT I CAN WANT YOU MORE!" And my Dad with all love in his eyes gives me this glance that promises the Holy spirit, and tells me to be patient. That I will see the promise come to pass, he wants me to be a faithful patient daughter, yet he wants me to be the MOST TRUSTING daughter that he's ever had. And so here I am TRUSTING THAT THE FATHER WILL COME IN A TANGIBLE WAY! AND I'M NOT LONGER CONTENT WITH SAYING THAT I NEED HIM IN A PRACTICAL WAY AND NOT A TANGIBLE WAY. Because once the holy spirit comes he will minister in such a way that is soo practical,real, and relevant to the people that he's ministering to.. the holy spirit can bring the Gospel in such a specific way to each soul, we can't even fathom.The holy spirit is soo detailed and so precise HE NEVER MISSED THE MARK. And we're in a cloud, but the holy spirit is like an arrow and he never misses. Jesus I have never been more sure.. there is just nothing more.. nothing more than you. What else can I hope for or live for or look forward to? Yea I'll keep doing what I'm doing being faithful at work, with my family, and with school.. but every minute there is NOTHING more precious and more beneficial than contenting for the holy spirit to come in such a way that he brings about such devine hunger, we will never be the same. And never shrink back into ignorance because we will have tasted a tangible living God, and father allow me to nurture the holy spirit when he comes because I know now he is sensative and I won't get in the way anymore, I'll just let him do what he wants and not even plan the affects or draw backs from it.