O0o How you LOVE US!

We pray that we will only be the Lord's we pray for him to protect our hearts, and to remove the vanities, pleasures, and conceit that tempts our hearts away from the Lord's loving embrace. We pray and seek and say Jesus "I want to WANT you".. my heart is wicked! Deceitful! who can trust it? My heart even will condemn me like it says in Romans but you do not condemn.. my heart is yours yet your word says that our flesh lust against the spirit. My heart is torn.. for it is like Paul desiring to fully live out and engage itself in the Lord yet frustrated that he did the very things he longed not to do.. for the vanities in circle around us causing us to be distracted. Like a wirlwind in our thoughts.. it comes crashing through our daily devotional prayers, it comes sweeping through our sweet glances at the Lord, it comes and interupts our prayer life that our friend and mentor brother Lawrence faught so viciously to establish. It comes and it brings the bait.. that we would like to take a bite out of..the very bait we would like to be tempted with. For satan knows that the out right plain sin won't hook you, but it's the secret stuff he's after.. he's after your heart. Satan knows if he can pull a string at your heart, a string that you always knew was still there, yet it had been ignored for so long you thought surely that string is surely gone, surely satan cannot tug on that. Yet he sneaks up on you, and he pulls a part of your heart, a string of desire.. you wish you didn't have. You condemn yourself your heart screams! Crucify! You stand condemned! You are grieving the holy spirit! You fake! How can you Love the lord when you secretly desire for that string to be pulled so that you can take a big juicy bite out of the very sin you so long ignored. See after all that time you might've fought so hard to tuck away that loose end, to ignore it, to hide it,yet it's still etached to your heart, it still carries a weight that so easily entangles your desire to please G-d and your Desire for your flesh to have it's way.
The heart is deceitfully wicked who can know it? You scream out ABBA! I DON'T WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS.. BUT HERE IT IS.. LORD WHY IS SATAN PULLING ON THIS STRING?! I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY LONGER! I want to be with you but he's tempting me with the very bait that my desire is longing for... the Lord looks at you with kindness in his eyes, and he says beloved.. I can't help you. But Lord why! this string is a desire that is linked to the very heart I want you to be Lord over! Please just wave your wand and let it be done..make me a righteous women/man.. NOW .. GO..COME ON HOLY SPIRIT. But the Father shakes his head, "No, Beloved.. I can't see you only want me to fix it so you don't fall into sin.. like you desire to, I can't fix what you don't secretly want yourself."

I look at him dumb struck.. but Abba you mean to tell me you care more about my desires, than it reaping into actual full blown sin? He replies "Yes Beloved, I want your heart, I want that desire, I want that string that you tucked away.. what do you think the sermon on the mount was about? You think I called the righteous? No I called the sick.. I'm going to the very core of that beloved wicked heart I love soo much, and It may even take years.. and that's ok. But I don't just want to make you "Not sin" I want to change your DESIRE. For I am jelous.. of your AFFECTIONS!

I hear a sound that is like rushing waves, echoed over a mulititude.. My AFFECTIONS! MY DESIRE! Before he even looks at my sin, he sees my heart.. he sees the very root of all this flesh. And just like the game operation he is very careful, and gentle with dealing with my heart, it takes small steps, I trust him a little bit and the string that entangles my hearts motives, affections, and actions is slowly being untangled by my beloved. I'm struggling and I'm praying that my desire would be him and him alone, and just like any Desire I tenderly feed the passion for my Yeshua instead of feeding it by letting satan pull at it and tempt me with situations. The Lord is breaking ground with this desire.. you see I never thought he could go to that place in my heart, yet he is marching out with boldness and zeal to conquer and lay hold of a spot in my heart I was too embarrased to ever show him. See my heart condemned me but the holy spirit says " Ok.. yea.. that spot, I want that.. let's take it over, I like it, " and G-d replies "ok let's do this, I got it I'm the alpha and Omega whatever it takes I have all of eternity." And Yeshua replies I can only give my precious blood, I'm jelous for her, she's my bride I have to have that very last string of her heart, it's been pulled at by another lover for far too long and it's making her sick.O it will be painful for this string is in knots,but every time you feel a tug and a painful sensation that is my jelousy over your heart. Every time you let me have more control over this open wound the more benefit you will harvest in the future. It'll take a long time beloved but I am patient and kind, slow to anger and abounding in love. I am truth and truth doesn't come easy, but let me take a look at your heart, let me take my time and I'll win it over. For it is mine.. The triune G-d in unisone goes after my heart, they're pursuing this issue, I wasted so much time, spent so much energy and fed so much of my affections for towards this other lover, that it will take the father a lot of time, and it will take me a lot of time at my beloveds feet, feeding the desire, letting him have the string, renewing the oil for him to fully have dominion. The Lord doesn't like to just do away with things.. for he has limited himself, so that he can have more intimate time with us he likes to make things raw and real. Ever think about how real, raw, and honest that cross was? He told me that we do this together, and he's not giving up on me.. at the end of the day abba you have your gain! One step at a time...I surrender all my heart strings!

Your Beloved
Brooke