O0o How you LOVE US!

We pray that we will only be the Lord's we pray for him to protect our hearts, and to remove the vanities, pleasures, and conceit that tempts our hearts away from the Lord's loving embrace. We pray and seek and say Jesus "I want to WANT you".. my heart is wicked! Deceitful! who can trust it? My heart even will condemn me like it says in Romans but you do not condemn.. my heart is yours yet your word says that our flesh lust against the spirit. My heart is torn.. for it is like Paul desiring to fully live out and engage itself in the Lord yet frustrated that he did the very things he longed not to do.. for the vanities in circle around us causing us to be distracted. Like a wirlwind in our thoughts.. it comes crashing through our daily devotional prayers, it comes sweeping through our sweet glances at the Lord, it comes and interupts our prayer life that our friend and mentor brother Lawrence faught so viciously to establish. It comes and it brings the bait.. that we would like to take a bite out of..the very bait we would like to be tempted with. For satan knows that the out right plain sin won't hook you, but it's the secret stuff he's after.. he's after your heart. Satan knows if he can pull a string at your heart, a string that you always knew was still there, yet it had been ignored for so long you thought surely that string is surely gone, surely satan cannot tug on that. Yet he sneaks up on you, and he pulls a part of your heart, a string of desire.. you wish you didn't have. You condemn yourself your heart screams! Crucify! You stand condemned! You are grieving the holy spirit! You fake! How can you Love the lord when you secretly desire for that string to be pulled so that you can take a big juicy bite out of the very sin you so long ignored. See after all that time you might've fought so hard to tuck away that loose end, to ignore it, to hide it,yet it's still etached to your heart, it still carries a weight that so easily entangles your desire to please G-d and your Desire for your flesh to have it's way.
The heart is deceitfully wicked who can know it? You scream out ABBA! I DON'T WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS.. BUT HERE IT IS.. LORD WHY IS SATAN PULLING ON THIS STRING?! I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY LONGER! I want to be with you but he's tempting me with the very bait that my desire is longing for... the Lord looks at you with kindness in his eyes, and he says beloved.. I can't help you. But Lord why! this string is a desire that is linked to the very heart I want you to be Lord over! Please just wave your wand and let it be done..make me a righteous women/man.. NOW .. GO..COME ON HOLY SPIRIT. But the Father shakes his head, "No, Beloved.. I can't see you only want me to fix it so you don't fall into sin.. like you desire to, I can't fix what you don't secretly want yourself."

I look at him dumb struck.. but Abba you mean to tell me you care more about my desires, than it reaping into actual full blown sin? He replies "Yes Beloved, I want your heart, I want that desire, I want that string that you tucked away.. what do you think the sermon on the mount was about? You think I called the righteous? No I called the sick.. I'm going to the very core of that beloved wicked heart I love soo much, and It may even take years.. and that's ok. But I don't just want to make you "Not sin" I want to change your DESIRE. For I am jelous.. of your AFFECTIONS!

I hear a sound that is like rushing waves, echoed over a mulititude.. My AFFECTIONS! MY DESIRE! Before he even looks at my sin, he sees my heart.. he sees the very root of all this flesh. And just like the game operation he is very careful, and gentle with dealing with my heart, it takes small steps, I trust him a little bit and the string that entangles my hearts motives, affections, and actions is slowly being untangled by my beloved. I'm struggling and I'm praying that my desire would be him and him alone, and just like any Desire I tenderly feed the passion for my Yeshua instead of feeding it by letting satan pull at it and tempt me with situations. The Lord is breaking ground with this desire.. you see I never thought he could go to that place in my heart, yet he is marching out with boldness and zeal to conquer and lay hold of a spot in my heart I was too embarrased to ever show him. See my heart condemned me but the holy spirit says " Ok.. yea.. that spot, I want that.. let's take it over, I like it, " and G-d replies "ok let's do this, I got it I'm the alpha and Omega whatever it takes I have all of eternity." And Yeshua replies I can only give my precious blood, I'm jelous for her, she's my bride I have to have that very last string of her heart, it's been pulled at by another lover for far too long and it's making her sick.O it will be painful for this string is in knots,but every time you feel a tug and a painful sensation that is my jelousy over your heart. Every time you let me have more control over this open wound the more benefit you will harvest in the future. It'll take a long time beloved but I am patient and kind, slow to anger and abounding in love. I am truth and truth doesn't come easy, but let me take a look at your heart, let me take my time and I'll win it over. For it is mine.. The triune G-d in unisone goes after my heart, they're pursuing this issue, I wasted so much time, spent so much energy and fed so much of my affections for towards this other lover, that it will take the father a lot of time, and it will take me a lot of time at my beloveds feet, feeding the desire, letting him have the string, renewing the oil for him to fully have dominion. The Lord doesn't like to just do away with things.. for he has limited himself, so that he can have more intimate time with us he likes to make things raw and real. Ever think about how real, raw, and honest that cross was? He told me that we do this together, and he's not giving up on me.. at the end of the day abba you have your gain! One step at a time...I surrender all my heart strings!

Your Beloved
Brooke

I need to get into the WORD.

Jesus I need to get into your word. I think your showing me a lot lately, my heart and soul have been wondering like a fly to a light zapper my heart has been floating towards other lovers. Old thoughts, old dreams, past and present anticipations are killing me.
Yet you are leading me, you are leading me to a life that is less about me and more about you.Everytime I want to do things that will be more so about me, you stop me and you lead me else where.. you are taking care of me. And I love to remain on the path of righteousness, I hate evil and everything of this world.. I hate it because it seperates my heart from you. My spirit is grieved when it is seperated from you beloved.. so I won't lie to myself, I won't tell myself I'm not that foolish kid that needs to be so desperately saved and redeemed again. Because I do.. even more so now thatn ever before, so what that means is that I'll keep this wellspring of life, this heart that flows the very songs, melodies, thoughts, yearnings, and living water gaurded like a garden that is enclosed it will be yours to delight in no one elses. Protect my heart till your return, let your bride be awakened, anticipated with all the oil and intimacy that she could possibly muster up, and anxiously waiting for her beloveds return.

I'm excited that you have stepped in and taken control of my life, everytime you take a step to tear away an Idol, to grieve my flesh my putting a stop to it's sinful desire, I say thank you Jesus! For caring enough.. for being jelous for me, for loving me enough to be blunt and unapologetic when it comes to my life with you.. our life. We must protect this love that we have, for we are married to one antoher, gaurd my heart, as I protect and carry your Honor.

I don't have to go to a conference to meet with you, lets make it more intimate THIS year, I'll skip out on the conference I'll surrender my ideals, plans, and schemes .. I know this is of you. Because your protecting and gaurding my heart. And lets meet together and start this year off in a more intimate one on one thing together. Love you..

I love you beloved.

I'm so confused.

I know I'm confused because I've been letting my thoughts wonder, for the Lord doesn't let the little birds go hungry, but at the same time he's telling me ok little bird.. you will know but not now. I don't do well with suprises, I'm not a very patient person. I want to know the direction my life is heading.. Will I live a life of practicality? Or will I be poor, and live radically? I say both.. I want to live like Keith Green and His Wife Melody Green did. I want to live like John the babtist, but I feel as if too many things are holding me down.

Father I committ everything to you.. this may sound like ramblings. But I'm just going to go ahead and keep typing because Jesus this is for you. I don't know what tommorrow holds, I don't even know about today or the very next hour. All I know is this.. THIS WORLD HAS NOTHING FOR ME, I ONLY WANT YOU. I'm pretty confident in your love for me, I know I am I can throw a big amount of dough towards your kingdom and bless your heart without worrying about gas money because you provide! I can be a witness of your love and your word without worries of what people might think.. All I want is you.. I don't need to chase after any other lovers. You are mine and I am yours.. I don't need a facebook/myspace profile to dress up and represent my true nature to you. You see every fiber and every dirty little thought, and evil secret place my heart can wonder, and you love me still the same. I AM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITHOUT YOU. I'm not going to worry about this coming age.. father that is not kingdom like to worry, to plan out, to scheme, to arrange.. to manipulate my future to be safe for me. Father my future won't be safe you said I'll undergo hardships but to not lose heart because you've conquered the world, you said people would hate me.. do you promise? Because I keep thinking that I'm getting swept up with the flattery of life and the pride of my dirty flesh and it would be a lot more easier for me to enjoy you if people just hated me. Then It would be granted to me! Like paul says... to suffer with you! I'm sick of all my vanities, and all my vain attempts to use you to get what I want and then losing you.. to whome my soul pants and groans for. Father I am very weak, like a hungry broken child. I am very hungry and my soul is very much longing for you. Not some imperfect people, to talk to about my imperfect life, Jesus I need you! My life is moving way too fast.. I want your kingdom and I want it with purity! Father I think I've been seeking your kingdom, but I think I might often wonder away from the whole pure at heart thing.. YEA THAT'S A HUGE THING I NEED TO GET A HOLD OF! But my heart is too selfish, and it's this nasty disease I don't know how to fix... all I can say is the spirit and bride say come! Please come back and clean your bride, please help her get that oil.. because she's too flaky and too caught up in life and she doesn't count the cost. She doesn't sit there and cry and worry about the cost, but she counts the cost like a builder who's about to build a house. Well father I need you to labour, or else I labour in vain! I am weak... and TIRED. And selfish and frankly really sick of myself to want your kingdom as bad as you do. So if you could Jesus just take back your kingdom by force, and turn me into a forceful women in prayer and intercession that actually gives a two cents about waht you think.. and where you heart lies.. Because you know where my heart lies.. it is decietfully WICKED, WHO CAN TRUST IT? SO that's where my heart stands Jesus! It's wicked.. and I can't trust my own heart, so I'm asking you to intrust your nature your holy spirit to inhabit me.. because I'm sicking of seeking your kingdom my own way... I think your way is faster, and more enjoyable, I'm going to TRUST that your burden is light.. and I just need to fix my gaze on the beauty of your face, and stay fixated on the race you've set out for me. Don't let my soul be down cast! You said awake! And pray that you may resist temptation!

Father I ask that I can resist temptation..I am nothing without you! I need help..please do some damage control with this filthy heart and let your spirit it dowse it.. it needs you.. really it does. Bless my heart all over again Jesus!


STILL YOUR BELOVED DAUGHTER, AND FRIEND THAT YOU CAN TRUST AND CONFIDE IN
Brooke

Say goodbye to my father and mother.

will waste my life,
I'll be tested and tried.
With no regrets inside of me,
Just to find I'm at your feet,
Let me find I'm at your feet.

I leave my father's house, and
I leave my Mother.
I leave all I have known, and
I'll have no other.

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.

I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I
Press on, yes I press on.
I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I press on, yes I press on.

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
just let me cling to you, Jesus,
I want to cling to you...

Father I'm listening to Misty Edwards sing about wasting her life, o0o father this song is so sweet. I just want to follow you whole heartedly, I don't care if I ever get married. If I ever have a name for myself, if I ever have a career or place to call my own, abba just let me be great in the secret place.I want you to recognize me as a frequent member in your temple before your throne, father I want you to count on me before your throne loving on your face. Father I am so lovesick when are you coming? Remember I get the place at your feet, remember? I'm going to be the one gazing at your face for all of eternity front row, that's where I'll be. Jesus to bring you pleasure is our greatest desire, find delight in our souls Jesus wash my soul from the selfishness. I trust in you, sweet abba. Bring peace to my soul, it's groaning for you yet weighed down by the pressures, expectations, and demands of life. Yet I will run away with my beloved, letting go of everything else I cling to the cross.. I grip that wooden rough cross and I won't let go. O0o father I call to you by name.. recognize your beloved..

The Honor Academy Christ's Humility.

Before I came here I had eyes for the kingdom the Lord has always stirred up so much vision within me, sometimes that's dangerous because I don't focus on what is at hand because I have an old soul that is longing for eternity. Before I came here living with the girls and across the street from the guys, and having our prayer room. And my humanitarian efforts to save the world in my own strength and putting Christs label on it through my vain ambitions. I wanted the kingdom on earth but I never had a taste of it, so I didn't know how to incorporate it into the ministry I was trying to muster up. I wanted to have humility and love, but I didn't understand what it meant to have a heart of repentence. I truly came to understand this during the fasting LTE, the heart of repentence the heart of humility, for God's Glory. The Lord will NEVER EVER use the proud, he detests them, and he will never be used in a great magnitude if you never plead with him to come in a great magnitude. I relied on my own heart that was weak and lacked love yet I wanted this fallen broken world to experience the Love of God.


The Honor Academy instilled some small priniciples and put them under the magnifying glass that the Lord looks at them under. I put a hault to my prideful heart, that wanted big things, and I started to pay attention to the small things that would be done in secret and honor God in a big way. I'm trying to articulate the little things that I overlooked in the past, I ran off some spiritual high and had zeal that was misguided, misplaced, and wreckless in it's expression. The Lord humbled me just like he came with humility spoke in parables to the people, and I understood kingdom things in a practical every day way.I was thinking how can I articulate this and I came up with this as I was contemplating I thought,

Maybe the fullness of the depths of God are found in the simple characteristics, principles, and honor that one contains with excellence for a higher Glory than their own. As simple as they are, the fullness of God dwells in the small things that are not too small for Jesus to cover with his blood, so that we may be found with the very character that reflects the thorough sufficiency of Jesus Christs humility.

I know I can word it better.. but for now that conveys that we can grasp the hand of eternity, vision, and the kingdom by the small submissions that we give to God in the work place, in relationships, in responsibilities, and words and actions by every little thing we do every time we turn to God we're saying Lord I can't do this one small thing, and can't possess this one small characteristic without your grace and love. I am coming to you in humility and say abba I need you in this because I am not too proud to give you the small things in my life that I used to think I could surely conquer on my own. As you have it, I realise that these small things are to be lifted up for your Glory. I have become completely humbled, and insufficient without your blood Lord Jesus!

You lure me.

Other people seek my attention, Jesus you are in them and they love you. Father it would be self righteousness of me to deny time with them, this is where you are when two people commune and conversate you are in the midst of a connection. Father it would be for your Glory that I embrace your people, Jesus teach me how to have the grace to be in this world but not of it. Father I pray that you would consecrate me an alien, father I know the image of the person you are calling me to be. I almost know what she looks like, what she runs after, and how she is uncompromsing and unyielding. Her focus and vision are unrelenting she has eternal eyes to look for her beloved, her soul pants as she anticipates your coming. Her life is the bridegroom fast and she won't stop till you have it all, she may fall but it is only for your Glory that she comes to that place of humility. It is only by your Grace that I reach that place of triumph over self, I left sin a long time ago repenting and now I'm trying to throw off everything hinders love, everything that entangles me. Father those small pleasures, that idle time, that sleep, that coffee, that fellowship, you are mine and I am yours. Their will always be something I'm missing out on of this world by seeking you, but faith is being sure of what we don't see. Father give me grace I need FAITH to know that everytime I turn away from something temporal because of you I'm grasping for something in the heavens. A tighter grasp of your hand. Father I do not love when I fast, I'm irritated when I fast, I'm grumpy, tired, and weak that is my soul nature but it is propped up by other things to really realise it's depravity. Father I want to Fast for love, for a love that is strong, a love that is your love so I'm not loving people when I'm feeling fine but your love is breaking through despite my weaknesses. Father keep a gaurd over my mouth, Lord stir up lovesickness in me. Jesus let me experience the pull from worldly things, let me experience the starvation of instant pleasure, father I delight myself in you so feed me honey from your lips scripture that I can hide in my heart. To fast for you, is a calling to abandon all and count it as loss. You can have my body, my time, my energy, my love, my comfort, father you can have my body I will surely not DIE but be strengthened in my inner man on account of your Glory and Goodness. You are a good father, and what you ask of us is only for our benefit that we would truly know you as our creator in your fullness. Father that we wouldn't be content with a faint foggy image of you, a golden calf in replace of you and your Glory, but father let us have eyes to see you as you are. Paul says that it granted to us that we may suffer as you suffered, well father I want a piece of that Glory. Let me not despise sacrifice, father to despise sacrifice is demonic, father let me take joy and delight in sacrifice. Lure me into your garden, your sanctuary, so that I may see your face. Let the holy spirit come upon me giving me grace to do your will and not my own. Let me be wrecked by the vision of what you have for me.. father and let me forget my body, my hunger, myself, my selfishness, my nature, my time, my friends, and family in the process. That when I pick back up what you've given me like my friends and family they would be rightly yours and I would treat them as you treat them not by my own strength but by the power of your spirit.

Father I'm fasting to see your love break through, so that I know your love is more powerful than my emotions, my body, my strength, my temperment, my personality, if your love breaks through I'll see sacrifice, I'll selflessness as I reach out to people it'll be you. I want to fast to see your strength in my WEAKNESS. Father I am failing yet you will answer me, I'll keep asking, and seeking you in this. Until I obtain it, I will keep my eyes focused, and though I may fall 70x7 I will be called righteous because I GET BACK UP.


your beloved
Brooke

Jesus I'll keep fighting!

Jesus the battle is strong, I start to get careless, I start to think about now instead of eternal things I cling to those other lovers because theirs lonliness in my heart, I long for you, but the more I want of you the more I come to the realization how little I have of you.
Jesus I want to sing you a love song,
I want to come in your loving arms and let all these other responsibilities fade away, Today I was thinking you are soo much sweeter than the sweetest of food. And that I wanted you, but then I allowed myself to become weak again and ended my fast.
I realised what a heart connection I have with other things.. other idolatries, it's not that it's food, it's not that it's coffee, or memories of a boy, or time with friends, it's really that I turn to those other things instead of fully delighting myself in you first. Father I love your love! As deep calls unto deep, affirm in me that the one thing I truly desire is to gaze upon the beauty of your face and dwell in your temple all the days of my life pslm 27:4. Is this is the true heart beat of being love sick, than take me there. I am weak but I'll continue to see to fast, not earn your favor but to SEE it and KNOW it. I can't see the deepness of something looking on the outside of it, I must plunge myself into the deepness of the deepness of the sea. And really engage myself into the fathers love..
But just like the builder counts the cost.. what will it cost?
Will cost a few social memories?
Will it cost a good conversation and a good cup of coffee?
Will it cost the material possesions that I like to gloat over?
Will it cost my time? My energy?
Will it cost my pride? Will it cost my RIGHTS to have what I want when I want it?
just like the laborer counts the cost before he builds the house, I count and see what is the worth of going deeper with my beloved.. I say I'll give him my all, Jesus beloved and everything! But I can't see how to let loose my hands to let go of the idolatries of my heart. The Lord will come back and bring everything under judgement every good and evil thought, he will know those places of my heart that are still not fully his. Father I say again Jesus I lack.. I'm not going to look the other way anymore I lack intimacy. Father take back my heart from the other lover, the lover I gave myself to, and you can have it back. And we'll be married together forever, not caring if my physical life ever brings much physical fruit. But I want to sow things in the spiritual relms, I want to sow intimacy and communion with you. You can have my earthly blessings.. I'm setting my gaze for the kingdom. Have my heart I will seek no other.. until you obtain it and retain it I will not stop asking.

Jesus I've felt like I want to do something crazy for you.. you know I'm crazy about you but I must consecrate myself in a deeper way not because I have to but another way of showing you my love.. it is my desire for this love to be at your feet poured out on your feet. I give you my tears my repentance of a heart that was so careless with it's affections, I want to give all my affections to you. Mary cried because she can't believed that she wasted her life not pouring out her affections and gazing at your beauty all the days that she lived, and then when she finally did. She realised what beauty was, she realised this is what her soul panted for, she realised that this precious perfume was nothing if it wasn't poured out on your beauty. Well this precious heart and it's affections mean nothing, if I don't pour them out on you. My soul was meant for you, yet I have been keeping it and occupying it with other things, other lovers, but now I want you to just embrace it. So that for you glory the fragrance that Paul talked about would be recognized by you when we do street ministry, when we embrace your people, when they see your heart, and are led back to repentance this is my desire. I lovvee youuuuuu


I pray that you would help me keep up the fight, stir up urgency and a focus and vision of your face, that my soul would not rest until I obtained your fullness. Father I pray that each time I say no, each little heart ache that I suffer each little sacrifice would be a beautiful fragrance in heaven of the love that you not only deserve .. but your REQUIRE. Forgive me Jesus for never wasting my life, my affections, time, and love at your feet. Now that I turn back to repentance it's so hard for me to be fully yours again, please help me I am not used to you having so much of me. Father let me just dive into you, without regret, without question.. wrecklessly I let go of everything and let you overcome me with an embrace.

Jesus Jesus Jesus.

Look How Weak I am!

Everytime I go to write something profound, something great, I stop. All I can say right now is that I desperately need Jesus just as much as when I started the internship, maybe even more. My heart is so wicked I don't know how to stop it's evil desires, just maybe to start fasting from these different heart idolatries I have. I just see Jesus himself heart broken over the things that are keeping me from him, their are still parts of my heart that aren't fully his, and I want him to invade those places. I'm so love sick right now.. but I can't turn to other lovers. I have to turn to him. I need his strength right now I just want his sweet warm embrace all over again. I just need him, I just want to keep saying Jesus I lack. Lord I lack your love, I'm in lack.. 24/7 their must be more. I must witness the sweetness of having you to the fullness. But this sweetness does not come without sacrifice. I'm at that familiar place again, afraid of the sacrifice that will lead me into the arms of Jesus. I'm scared of letting go of the things that I no longer can manipulate anymore, my heart and soul long for God. I know through experience I can't settle for anything else, but he's looking at me heart broken. And we're at a stand still, tears in his eyes I just want to hold him, but these comforts, these desires, these things still occupy my heart. What would it look like for him to have it all? What would that dependence look like? All my friends and things are occupying so much of my time lately, I just want to break from this and hide away with him. I know the enemy is coming with an attack, a temptation, one of my hearts strongholds, and even though I can resist I must conquer. The only way I can fully conquer and trample the enemy underfoot is to fall deeply in love with Jesus, but it doesn't quite happen so easily. I have to advance his kingdom forcefully and it burns me and it hurts, it isolates me, and makes me face my own frustrations, to be given over fully to him seems more painful at the time than not having him. But I can't go on any longer not having more of him, these places in my heart must let go of the old things and grasp Jesus now, my heart is still so weak in those areas and I have to surrender. It's not uncomfortable to go to the wilderness, I hate the wilderness the bitter cold, the isolation, the starvation, but I can't bare to see the tears in Jesus eyes knowing that he wants to hold me. But their are things stuck on me, that I can't get off, their are emotions that I still cling to and WILL fall into under the right circumstances. Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus, how sweet is our savior. But Jesus even now save me from myself.. take me to the wilderness I must have you! No talking, No eating, no idle time, I give these small pleasures up to feast on you. My heart has been tugging towards another lover, and I see your eyes and I'm heart broken, we are at a stand still. But I can't go back that way again, the only way to resist it is to grasp a deeper level of love with you that is the only way. Mediocrity will not fight this temptation, complacency in our relationship will not help my heart overcome this temptation. I must have you but I can't grasp you if my arms are full of other lovers, other idolatries, other things. Jesus Jesus Jesus I need prayer! I love you! Intercede for me, I NEED YOU!

Your daughter Brooke

Stir up my Heart again.

Fan the flame, I need you.. I'll cling to materialsim, or vanities, I'll cling to another lover.. anything but you. My heart is so deceitful, so wicked, above all things, gaurd my heart beloved it's yours, I'm waiting for our wedding day. Jesus have my whole heart, have my prayer life, take all this worldly junk that I so easily cling to. My own image, my own stuff, it's all yours.. have it all. Advance your kingdom Jesus! I lovvveee you!!!! Thank you for being so good to me today, I really like you.. your so sweet. I'll ramble all day long.. I'm nothing without you.. la la la you make my heart sing. I'm nothing without you, I was a dirty rotten sinnner, and without you I'll go back to other lovers. But I have you sweet Jesus thank you for your Grace! Let your face shine upon me, my sweet savior and beloved husband. I am yours..


you make me so giddy Jesus!

You are enough!

Jesus I thought I was over this, but I need your strength all over again, it's been a year. But why is my heart being stirred up again, why is this coming up again. All I need is you.. all I NEED is your comfort my soul nothing else would do. Jesus when you come back, though I don't see it, and I don't feel it. What will matter is my love for you and your love for me. Lord I know you really want to heal me from this, I'll do whatever you want. Please help me, overcome.

Jesus you didn't have your father on this earth, the glory, or the splender, you were so alive, so kind, so patient, you contained humanity you contained a pure love. Even when you felt alone, even when you were alone, you didn't have friends that understood you, you didn't have a wife and kids to come home to, you were concerned with being a faithful son. You contained the fullness of humanity yet the fullness of God, Jesus you were God. Lord I love you.. I am not alone, you suffered as I have and you will occupy my heart so that it won't wonder.. let it not wonder sweet Jesus.

Your are enough, Thank you! Lord what Joy and sweetness you have set up for me, you plan to give me a hope and a future. Though I lack you will turn around for gain. Father I know your setting me up to be a kind wife and mother some day.. I am not alone you fully occupy my heart. Lord I love you!!

Listen to the Wise..

Read the BIBLE. WAIT ON THE LORD. PRAY.
DO NOT GET TIRED, OR WEARY, RENEW THE OIL AND THE INTIMACY WITH HIM, FILL UP ON THE JOY OF YOUR SALVATION.


Billy Graham
Mother Theresa
William Booth
Kieth Green
Pastor Cleetus
Brother Lawrence
Paul Washer
Leanord Ravenhill
Ray Vanderlynn
John Piper
John Wesley
Winston Churchill
Dawson Trotman
A.W Tozier
C.S Lewis
Ravi Zacharias
Charles Finney
K.P Yohannan
John Bevere
David Wilkerson
Mike Bickle
Lou Engle
Misty Edwards
Max Lucado
Thomas A. Kempis

Reading Brother Lawrence

"I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King. Touched with a sensible regret, I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask his forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands that He may do what He pleases with me. The King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the key to of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me in incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite.It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence. My most useful method is this simple attention, and such a general passionate regard to God, to whom I find myself often attached with greatr sweetness and delight than that of an infant at the mother's breast; so that,if I dare use the expression, I should choose to call this state the bosom of God, for the inexpressable sweetness which I taste and experience there."

"Sometimes I consider myself there as a stone before a carver, whereof he is to make a statue; presenting myself thus before God, I desire Him to form His perfect image in my soul, and make me entirely like Himself"

Eternity and the hands that hold me.

Pslm 50:2- Frin Zion, the perfection of beauty, God appears in radiance.
Pslm 27:4-"I have asked one thing from the Lord; it is what I DESIRE: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the Lord and seeking him in his temple".
Pslm 28:8- In Your behalf my heart says, "Seek My Face". Lord, I will seek Your face."

Will anything begin to get familiar?

Nothing seems familiar in this place anymore.
This earth doesn't quite feel like home. And I'm left trying to gather and muster up something familiar in this world. But I can't come up with anything.
I'm seeking Jesus and his calling.. but what else can be put on the alter Lord?
Anytime I try to grab hold onto something that's not of you, I feel empty.
This earth is fading away..this time is gone. No familiar nook to hide my head from the storm.
I guess this is when I face things head on, with extremity and with no holding back. I gripping my white knuckles over the plow, and I'm not looking back. There's No going back to Egypt when Life was simpler, when life was familiar. When those idols gave such comfort to my soul. Jesus is coming, and his firey eyes are upon me positioning me to gain what I cannot lose. I'm looking towards the heavens, trying to fixate my eyes on the things unseen, I no longer want what I want. I can no longer trust what I think I can trust. The Lord holds the power, the dominion, the breadth in my lungs, and I can't go back to settling in the christian dissulion.
There is a kingdom to advance, there are souls to reach.
Jesus come back the anticipation is killing us, we want to see your kingdom come. Let it flood over this earth like the heavens take rightful place in your sight and majesty, we want the same father. Are these just ramblings? And are these just thoughts? Coming out of dry and weary soul? But I think they are coming from a soul that is passionate about you Jesus. I want to see You Jesus. But responsibilities call... But I'm still asking for initimacy. So come and interrupt my everyday life and take ownership of this mundane lifestyle.

Back again Lord, there's still a hunger, my souls not at rest. It's still sooo thirty, it's aching with pain because the hole in my heart is missing you. I need you to hug and minister to my very being, put your loving arms around me, and let me know you are the G-d I know, love, and long for. I have to know that I'm not just loving on God of four walls, or a God of my own image. But by my breadth and your word, let us commune and know each other. Run away with me, I've been looking everywhere for you! So now it's about time.

" I sleep, but my heart is awake. A sound! My Love is knocking! Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. For my head is drenched in dew, my hair with droplets of the night.I have taken off my clothing How can I put it back on? I have washed my feet. How can I get them dirty? My Love thrust his hand through the opening, and my feelings were stirred for him.I rose to open for my love. My hands dripping with myrrh, my fingers flowing with myrrh on the handles of the bolt. I opened to my love, but my love turned and gone away. I was crushed that he had left. I sought him, but did not find him. I called him, but he did not answer.The gaurds who go about the city found me. They beat and wounded me; they took my cloack from me- the gaurdians of the walls. Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you: if you find my love, tell him that I am LOVE.SICK. " Song of Solomon 5:2-8

Staying up waiting for you Lord, wondering when we're going to start walking more intimately with one another. I can't fake that I am not faint of lack of love from you. I need you, no other lover will do. You are the fairest of 10,000, I would rather have you than anyone else. Jesus come back and marry your bride.(The spirit and the Bride say come!)- Rev.22:17

Will anything begin to get familiar?

You have always been GOOD to - .ME.

Jesus thank you for always being so G00D to me, I promise I won't pout or complain, even though I don't understand your ways. I TRUST YOU. I delight in you, man Jesus you are so GREAT SO BIG so Incredible. Jesus take my life... it IS YOURS, it's the very LEAST I can do. Let it bring life to people I come in contact with. And most of all Jesus develope me in LOVE. Jesus I need to love, please abba I beg you teach me how to love.. how to be consistant, relentless, and pure in my LOVE. Father My love is so weak.. and I don't want to offer MY love but Your love. Father you have always been a good foundation for me, to step my feet. As I walk through the muck and the mire.. and my face is stained and crusted with dirt.. you see me as beautiful. I look at the beauty of your glowing face, and I have peace I'm right where I belong. Whether caked in mudd, or forgotten by this world and the people. I see you as BEAUTY, I want the world to SEE you. I mean really SEE you. Please take every part of my JOY, it is only yours that my heart smiles. I thank you for people being awakened to see you, I thank you that you would use someone like me to shine some light on their hardened hearts. I pray that I would stop focusing on myself but that I would focus on the deadness around me, not be troubled, or distraught but to pursue them to ask for your breadth of life to go into them. Jesus how can I live without you? Your life and your blood must go forth, you are the only REAL JOY and LOVE we have nothing in this world is better than you! YOUR LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE.I just love you so much, for all the wonders that you do, their is nothing you won't take me out of. You have turned my hardened heart into a loving stream. You have taken me out of the drunken vomit into your loving arms. You have picked me up out of my self pity, and turned my face to you. I want nothing in this life but you. I pray for visions, dreams, of you and your vision for me. Help me see the JOY in the tasks that you put before me, and help me never be distraught or feel heavy about bringing life to people. Help me never give up this fight to bring others into the same light and joy that I have found. I once was lost.. but now I'M FOUND! this Joy that surrounds me is more than I can take.. I'm undone. Your are my LIFE. hOLD ME Jesus! I am yours. Take my family.. let this be yours. Let the customers at the coffee shop find you in their church. Let the radicals know you and be sold out for you. Jesus help me LOVE.

I have to love... Father EXPAND my heart. Whatever you have to do give me compassion behind my understandings. Give me love behind fear, or insecurities. I need your love and your life. I need to see it go into this dry and weary world.

ZEAL

Zeal: the Good, the Bad, the Ugly
by Keith Green
"And [Jesus] found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the moneychangers seated. And He made a scourge of cords, and drove them all out of the temple... His disciples remembered that it was written, 'Zeal for Thy house will consume me.'" (John 2:14,15,17)Imagine how the disciples felt watching their Master upsetting the lovely decorum of the temple. The noise, the dust, the shouting, the money spilling, the tables upturned - how dare He do such a thing! The disciples were probably shocked at first, then elated. That's how I would have felt. "Good job, Jesus! Show everyone who's boss!" When it was over, the disciples thought back to the Scripture that says, "Zeal for Thy house has consumed me." (Psalm 69:9) They thought, Now we see what that means. Jesus loves His Father's house so deeply that He won't tolerate sin in it.No doubt Jesus' action that day excited everyone. The common people were thrilled to have a hero who could kick around all the religious windbags and money-grubbing scum. If it meant popularity - or flexing their muscles - the disciples were all for it. The only problem was, they didn't understand one fundamental fact about human nature: our zeal lacks direction.
Right and Wrong ZealZeal is simply earnestness or fervor in advancing a cause. But that cause can be good or bad, focused or misguided. And as we read throughout the Gospels, we see that the disciples' zeal was often misguided.The Pharisees were zealous, too - and often misguided. No one could say these guys didn't have zeal. Everything they did involved religious duties and doctrines. But their zeal was founded on legalism, not on knowing God. They promoted a cause that was cold and lifeless - a cause that made their hearts proud and arrogant.We love to poke fun at the Pharisees. We like to read the rebukes that Jesus used to level them. But we're just as capable of misdirecting our zeal to useless religious activities. Things that are all for outward show - stuff that generates heat but not light.That's how I was when I first became a Christian - I had lots of zeal. I never gave too much thought about where my energy was directed, and I did a few things that were pointless, ungodly, and unproductive. They didn't advance my relationship with the Lord, or the Kingdom of God here on earth. We can all misdirect our zeal at times.But some of us, like the Pharisees, get trapped by our own zealousness. We replace our relationship with the Lord with our "righteous" activity, and end up trying to earn our salvation by proving how zealous we are.There are four ways Christians commonly misuse their zeal. They are: fighting causes that aren't God's causes, judging others, arguing over the Bible, and seeking blessings more than the Giver of those blessings. I want to focus on these areas because they cause destructiveness and havoc in the body of Christ. Let's take a look at each of these four areas and see what true zeal for God is not.
Zeal Of the FleshFirst, we can be zealous for God yet totally miss His big picture. If we're not careful we can be zealous for causes that aren't God's at all.Peter seemed to be the most zealous of the twelve disciples. Wherever there was trouble he was ready to jump in and save the day - at least in the flesh.In the Garden of Gethsemane, Peter provided us with a perfect example of misplaced zeal. As the soldiers came to take Jesus away, Peter pulled out his sword and cut off the ear of the high priest's servant.Jesus said to Peter, "Put your sword back into its place; for all those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword. Or do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?" (Matt. 26:52,53)What did Peter think he was doing? The same thing many of us think we're doing - protecting the Lord's reputation with ungodly methods, and hurting innocent people in the process. Peter, like the other disciples, totally missed God's big picture - His plan to send Jesus to the cross.Peter had another plan. He still hoped Jesus would be the conquering hero. Sure, Peter had a lot of zeal for that. But he lacked the same zeal when it came to being a spiritual companion to Jesus. Peter, who was so courageous about swinging his sword in public, was the same guy who abandoned Jesus at the moment He took on His most difficult spiritual mission -humbling Himself and going to the cross.How is it that we're so zealous to put on outward, heroic shows of loyalty for our faith -and so reluctant to set aside our own agenda and do what Jesus wants us to do? Our zeal is misdirected. We need to transfer our zeal from outward things to inward spiritual things. We need to be less willing to cut off ears in Jesus' name, and more willing to humble ourselves, go into our prayer closet alone with Him and get His agenda for our lives.Paul reminds us: "The mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so; and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. (Rom. 8:7,8)Much harm has been done to God's name by so-called spiritual battles waged in the flesh. Look at all the religious wars that have been fought, the crusades that have been carried out. All the blood and destruction. How could zeal be so misdirected? How could people think they were committing such atrocities in the name of God? But before standing in judgment of anyone else, we'd better realize we're all capable of pushing our own agenda ahead of God's agenda.
Zeal In JudgmentSecond, we Christians have to admit that we have a problem - a bad habit of judging each other. In Luke 9, it says, "[Jesus] sent messengers on ahead of Him. And they went, and entered a village of the Samaritans, to make arrangements for Him. And they did not receive Him, because He was journeying with His face toward Jerusalem. And when His disciples James and John saw this, they said, 'Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?' But He turned and rebuked them." (vv. 52-55)I doubt that James and John were expecting a rebuke. Here was a whole village of people who had rejected Jesus - they deserved to be fried. They'd blown their chance to welcome Jesus. As far as these zealous disciples were concerned, it was time for this village to see the power of God.How many times have you acted like James and John? How often do you become a judge, and bring down the gavel on someone who's obviously in the wrong? Some people have a lifelong preoccupation with sitting in judgment over every ministry, every elder, every pastor and every Bible study leader. They call down fire - bringing down the gavel of judgment hard and heavy. They say they're trying to bring correction, but they crush, kill, and destroy.When I was a new Christian I opened up my Bible, then set myself up as judge. I'd go into ministries and get loud about their need for correction. Worse than that, within six months of my conversion I was on stage performing. Thousands of people came to hear me, and I really got into letting them know what I thought - judging things publicly.One day God grabbed me by the collar and showed me something: Judgment comes out of spiritual immaturity. Mature Christians will pray, discern, love, and counsel. If need be they'll rebuke, but never in a critical, destructive spirit, and never publicly to shame and punish. That's the godly way. Immature Christians can have a lot of zeal but little wisdom. They can put fire and noise into things that harm rather than help the cause of Christ. I fell into that trap and, like James and John, the Lord rebuked me for judging others.You see, when we judge we step into the place of God. God alone is the judge of the motives of our hearts. If Jesus had wanted to call down fire on that Samaritan village, He could have done it Himself without the help of His disciples. These guys wanted to usurp Jesus' authority, and so He had to set them straight.I've come to see that my zeal as a disciple - as someone who knows God's Word - has to be directed at me first. The inconsistencies and sin I see in the lives of others - and let's face it, you can't help noticing - should remind me to beware of the sin in my own life. Now, if I find myself having to deal with someone else's sin or failure, I'd rather take Paul's advice to heart: "Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself lest you too be tempted." (Gal. 6:1)Paul knew the Lord's correction is meant to bring restoration in relationship to the Lord and in ministry - not destruction. Restoration takes time, but it's God's goal.
Zeal For WordsThere's another way our critical spirits can harm the body of Christ - when we fight over fine interpretations of the Bible. I've heard people get really nasty with each other -Christian brothers and sisters! Paul says, "Remind them of these things, and solemnly charge them in the presence of God not to wrangle about words, which is useless, and leads to the ruin of the hearers." (2 Tim. 2:14)When I was a new Christian I spent many useless hours wrangling over words. Added together, those hours probably amount to weeks, even months. I'd argue over anything and everything: When was the rapture going to happen? Can a Christian be possessed by demons? Do you have to be sprinkled or immersed to be truly baptized? Should you be baptized in the name of Jesus only or in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit? Some of the arguments produced a lot of heat that looked like zeal for the Lord - but I can't remember any that produced much real light.In some ways I set myself up for this. After concerts, people came up to me and said, "You know, I don't agree with your position on this or that." I loved it! I'd sit down on the edge of the stage, and a crowd would gather. I'd throw out scriptures, and the other person would lob different ones back at me. We'd have a great time, with our "flesh" exposed for all to see. I didn't realize then that my arguing could cause the ruin of those who listened to me. I was just thinking I was a big shot, a spiritual authority, when really I was just a debater with a big ego. I was sharpening a human talent for debate, not a spiritual talent for being quiet, listening, and praying.Paul also said in his warnings to Timothy, "Avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene." (2 Tim. 2:16,17) What a vivid picture. People didn't have the benefit of tetracycline or penicillin in Timothy's day. If you saw a big blue streak going up your arm or leg, you ran to the surgeon and had the infected limb cut off. There was no anesthetic - other than getting drunk or having someone knock you out. Get the idea? This was a drastic and painful condition. So it was the most vivid imagery Paul could use to get his point across. A dispute over words brings out a spirit of contentiousness - and this will spread infection through the body of Christ like gangrene. The only way to remove it is by major and painful surgery.Why is it important to stay in the right spirit? Because there's a lot more at stake than who's right or wrong - I'm talking about eternal souls."The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will." (2 Tim. 2:24-26 emphasis added)Immature Christians mistake a contentious spirit for true zeal. They think they know all the right answers, and that everyone has to see things their way. Paul gave some more strong warnings about this in his letter to Titus: "Shun foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law; for they are unprofitable and worthless. Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned." (Titus 3:9-11)If we want to grow in Christ, we must ruthlessly evaluate our speech. There's only one standard and one motive acceptable to God. Paul nailed it: "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Eph.4:29)
Zeal For PowerThe last thing I want to say about zeal is more than instruction, it's God's warning to all of us. In Acts 8:9 ff., we read the story of a man named Simon, who practiced magic and sorcery. Everyone in Samaria was astonished by the things he could do, and people called him the "Great Power of God." Then Philip came to town preaching the good news. People began getting saved and baptized. A revival hit, and even Simon was converted. After his conversion he began following Philip around, and saw all the miracles that occurred. Word got back to the other apostles in Jerusalem about what was happening in Samaria, and Peter and John were sent to check things out. They discovered that the new converts had not received the baptism of the Spirit, so they began laying their hands on the people and praying for them. Sure enough, the people began receiving the Spirit."Now when Simon saw that the Spirit was bestowed through the laying on of the apostles' hands, he offered them money, saying, 'Give this authority to me as well, so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit.' But Peter said to him, 'May your silver perish with you, because you thought you could obtain the gift of God with money!"' (Acts 8:18 20) Sure, Simon's idea was misguided - but didn't he give up his sorcery business to follow the Gospel? Wasn't Peter being a bit harsh with him?I don't think so. Didn't some of us come to the Lord for the wrong motives? We came because we were sick of our lifestyle. Or becausewe couldn't find peace. Or we needed healing, or our marriage was on the rocks. We came for any number of reasons.From the New Testament times until today, there have been people who preach the Gospel for the wrong reasons. They're not following Jesus; they're building their own kingdoms and their own egos. Some people get involved in Christianity simply because it is a market for their merchandise - they can make money. They don't care if people become Christians, they just want to sell their books or records. Some people start with sincere motives but their appetite for money and fame overcomes them - they continue doing seemingly "good" things, but for all the wrong reasons. They're just putting up a front. They've learned how to effectively fake all the right moves and the right language.But God will not be mocked. He never lets someone continue in that place for long. They either burn out because it's a work of the flesh, or they are publicly exposed and humiliated - and the name of the Lord gets tarnished in the process.We always need to check our motives for doing something - even a good thing. And when we are successful in the things of the Lord, we must be careful not to look at the fruit and think it proves we're right with God. Nothing can replace our personal relationship with Him - not even the fruit produced by our ministries.
True ZealGod wants true disciples who will move beyond selfish motives to a pure motive - and that is to know God Himself and the reason He created us. You see, Simon never made that shift. He became interested in the Gospel because of what the disciples had to offer - their "tricks" were better than his. They upstaged him. Scripture says that he truly believed in the Gospel, but it appears that he never got beyond desiring power so he could have more influence than anyone else.Simon had zeal all right. He was ready to do whatever it took to get the power he wanted. But his zeal was directed at self-promotion - not at knowing and sharing the love of God.Working in the music industry, I see this confusion all the time. Today, we see "stars" who become Christians - but they never lay down their music on the altar. They just begin selling Christian versions of their songs. They have lots of zeal - but are they putting it into seeking God? Before I sound like I'm back to the old mode of judging again I have to tell you what I've witnessed. I've seen celebrities come to Christ and get pushed into the spotlight by publishers and record companies before they're ready. When they hit a "pothole," they fall away. Then they say, "Christianity is a joke. It doesn't work." While people looked on and said, "They have so much zeal for God," they were actually using their misdirected zeal to pursue their own interests.That's what Simon did. The whole time he followed Philip around, he didn't accept the lifestyle of discipleship. He had plenty of zeal to pursue miracles and signs and wonders, but not much interest in pursuing God Himself. He had his eyes on the gifts of God, rather than on the God of the gifts.Paul saw the same kind of misdirected zeal among the Jews. He said, "For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge. For not knowing about God's righteousness, and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God." (Rom. 10:2,3)If Paul looked at your life, would he say the same thing about you? Would he say, "I've got to give you credit, you sure have a lot of zeal for God. You're doing many things in the name of the Lord. But you don't know His righteousness. Are you using your zeal to try to gain something from God, instead of using it as an expression of your gratitude to God for all that He's already done for you?We can be zealous at keeping rules. We can be zealous debaters and defenders of the truth. We can zealously pursue the gifts of the Spirit. We can even be zealously contentious and fight fleshly battles. But none of this is true zeal for God.What is zeal for God then? It's giving all our energy and enthusiasm to God's cause. What does that mean? Jesus made it pretty clear: "the foremost [commandment] is, 'H ear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself' There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:29-31)We are supposed to direct all our zeal into our relationship with the Lord, and then into our relationship with our neighbor. God wants us to get our eyes on Him. Loving Him is to be our cause. He can take care of a lot of other causes without us, but He can't make us love Him with all our heart. That's the work we must do - pursue Him with all our heart and soul and strength.As David said, "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for Thee, 0 God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." (Psalm 42:1,2)David was describing true zeal. He thirsted after God. Do you have that kind of desperation? Do you have within that holy fire to know God? God doesn't want to be a casual acquaintance. He wants to be an intimate part of your life - alive and burning at the core of your being. The second part of the cause we are to advance is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Not correct our neighbor, debate with our neighbor, or judge our neighbor, but love our neighbor. And how do we love our neighbor? We love them by serving them and doing things that bless them."[Christ] gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds." (Titus 2:14) Are we zealous for good deeds? James says, "This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (James 1:27)Are you zealous for this pure and undefiled religion? Are you self-involved - or are you willing to serve others? The zeal that pleases God is strength and talent directed towards serving others. Jesus reminds His disciples that if we want to be great in the kingdom of God we have to be the servant of all. (Matt. 20:26)Watch out! Our flesh doesn't like the idea of serving others. An attitude of servanthood runs against our egos. Maybe that's why God put so much importance on it. But God doesn't take our flesh into account; He commands us to serve others. The disciple of Christ has no option but to do what He has told us.I can hear what many of you are thinking: But we don't need to prove ourselves to God, or to anybody else. He's given us salvation as a gift. You're right. But He needs to turn on our zeal to make salvation real in every area of our lives. He wants us to train ourselves to eagerly serve others in love and compassion.This is true zeal for God - to know Him and love Him with a deep and consuming love, and to serve others in the same way we would serve Jesus. Anything else is an imitation.Beware of it.
Keith Green, 1/22/2007

Tell Him How Much You Love Him Today

Let that be our only goal today, our highest priority! When you write a to do list put that as first. It is our only job, our only main attraction, goal, means, idea, it is the only thing that is worth accomplishing or getting done. He is my highest love, my only thoughts let it be of him, and if you don't love him to be your all, their probably parts of you heart that don't love him. And if your not fully given over to him, then your probably lukewarm, and he doesn't want you anyways. He sent people away, when they were "awe struck: by him. He could see into their hearts, he told the rich man to go and sell all his posessions, if he wanted to be his disciple. And the rich man walked away sad because he couldn't do it. It made Jesus sad too to send him away. Jesus loved him and wanted him, he loved his zeal, but Jesus didn't want people that just loved him at a whim. Or were attracted to him, and taken by the hype and excitement.He didn't want idolaters, and he didn't want to be their Idol. He wanted to be their husband, He wanted wifes, he wanted a church that was committed, submitted and that would remain fully his threw sickness and in health. Jesus is always moving and always wants us to ask for his purpose in all things, for his will in all accomplishing works of the spirit. I think in our society, us christians have gotten it all wrong. We have been doing what the world does, we tried conforming, attracting, advertising, we shyed away from showing JESUS in his fullness. We watered it down, we sold the gospel for less, "Gospel for Everyone!" we shout. But Jesus defined who the gospel was truly for, and he detested the proud, shunned the idolaters. We cheapened the product in order for it to be sold to the masses. But when you put the full value on something, and mark it at the price it should cost, and don't cheapen it. You get people that really want it, pay the full price for it, no matter the cost they have set their hearts desires on it.Therefore they won't be at peace, until they have it. Or you get people who want the same product but want it to be cheaper, lessening the true value. Therefore they toss it aside, not knowing if they would've ever payed full price for it, probably not. They are so well fed, they are asleep in the light, as Keith Green would say. The church doesn't know about the darkness of this world, and the misery. Because they don't remember what it COSTS. They don't remember their state of depravity, before they lay hold of the awesome gift that they were willing to pay everything for. They are so well fed, they don't know what it feels like to be hungry. O0O how I wish we were alive! Not back then (as in a time period) to see Jesus. But even now while he is alive more than ever! While he is desperate for laborers, and people that are paying with their blood, sweat, and tears. I wish we were alive to see him now, beloved. But we are in this dead state of complacency, feeding our ego's, self righteousness, and outward adornment too busy with our vain labor to see what God's work could truly be. What it truly is. We have gone about it the way Babylon has, the way the world has, we think we have to lure them in, and make padding for their butts, and tissues for their tears, and ease and comfort for every inconvienance. But it is God's desire that we could suffer with him, partaking in his suffering that love would abound more, and that are evil flesh would die more. To suffer is to let love abound more, because if filth and sin doesn't rise up within us to show us what we're truly made of. If we are not tested and trialed to see our true desire for the Lord. Than how can we realise how poor,wretched, naked, and needy we really are. We must come face to face with the depravity of our souls, by eagerly putting to death our flesh and depriving ourselves. Their is not ANY ONE THING, I would rather have than God. For all is fading and passing away, and the world labors in vain, all seeking vanities,vanities,vanities. But when we come to Christ we cast down our idols, Jesus cannot be conformed into the image of a calf an idol for us to adore. He is an all consuming fire, that we can't stand near unless we are holy. And how can we be holy without the blood of the lamb? and how can we receive the fullness of Grace and the blood of the lamb, without emptying ourselves. Why feed ourselves on his flesh and blood, if we are not hungry? Can he share his flesh with the stomachs of idolaters? Just some thoughts......

Trust him.

The best place to be is undone. Undone to his mercy, love and grace. His will is always better than ours, and it's a war that he doesn't mind fighting, so that we can be fully given over to him. Without hinderence, I want to be fully his, I have been tested and trialed, and I know more than anything that I just want him. When it comes down to it, I've detached myself from many things.. and have done what he's asked. It has been extremely difficult, to give up, and give in, and to realise that over and over again this world doesn't satisfy. But what a beautiful thing, that he cares enough for me, to sweep idols out of my life, to convict me, to pursue me, to refine me pure as gold. I keep wrestling with him over things, I keep wanting my heart to heal, and for him alone to satisfy the longings in my heart. But how can I allow him to heal, if I keep yielding to the desires of my heart. How can I be healed, if I don't trust him enough to heal the wound. I have to be patient and wait on him. I get this feeling in my soul, when I'm longing for something, when I'm yearning. Sometimes I'll want to spend money, or reflect on vanities. Or maybe sometimes I'll drive around thinking of what I'm doing next or who I'm hanging out with. Even though I've hung out with people non stop, and God gives me the words to speak when I'm fellowshipping with other believers and we rejoice in his love and revelation. But thats not the same as our time together one on one, God is soo good so gracious. To accept us, and to faithfully pursue us. I just wish I would yield to him more. It's been really good when I trust him, It's not pleasant at first, and sometimes I don't why he asks things of me, but in the end I really trust him to bring me through. I love him with all my heart, and soul. He is a good father, I promise.

In December he was faithful to to show me that If I go to the internship and trust him, He will free from a relationship, that was hard for me to end. He removed this from my life, so that this relationship wouldn't satisfy, but that I would return to Jesus for him to fully occupy my heart.

I love the girls that I lived with, my job, and the way my life was going. But I didn't have just him, so since I loved my life, my status, my friends more than him. He called me to the internship he removed the prop, the vanity out of my life. And I experienced him once again.

While we were called to do a fast at out internship, which is what we normally do. God told me that I could fast longer than the 3 days, and he removed the idolatry and the comfort of food in my life. He showed me that I didn't need it anymore, he revealed to me when I was lusting after food, and helped me cast down that thought. Because I was going to feed off of his love, and let him be my comfort. There is a lot more to fasting food that just hunger pains, we have an emotionaly attachment to food that satisfies us when were bored, wanting to socialize, food brings us comfort in more ways than we think. But we have to fully trust him.

Jesus helped free me from fear of man, I told him I wouldn't deny him one thing. I'm not perfect at this, but ultimately I trust his ways are better than mine. I preached the gospel, I approached people, and spoke the truth he gave me. He just wanted me to yield to obedience, and I don't mind humiliating my flesh, so that his glory and love might abound. I gave up my "place" in society to fully be his. And yield to the inclination to speak to whoever he wants me to.

I was idolizing a church a ministry that I loved going to. The pastor preached a message about idolatry and told us if we were called to be somewhere else we should be there, instead of being at his church.I remember weeping and crying, because of his love. But also because it was heart breaking to leave a church that I depended on to feed me. I remember crying, cuz I was amazed at his love for him to go out of his way and pursue me. To remove idols from my life, to convict me of idolizing man above him alone. I remember telling him at times God I'm so mad at you right now, but o man lord I love you. He's like a really concerned dad, and he's going to continue to guide and protect us. For him to be the center, our only main source of love.

Just fully delight and be satisfied in him. That is the only thing we can do, is to yield to his word, and ask and delight that he would speak it to us. To refine us, to convict us, for us to be led and developed in truth and love.

I will have to write more about my trip to Kansas City, also the ministry I led in Dallas. I promise I will update about this, but for now. I just need to spend some time with him.

All we want is Jesus

All we want is Jesus how sweet the love of our beloved... This weekend has been amazing. I'll explain later.

Pride of Life.

Their are roots to major sin in our life. The lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life. If we lust after what we see, it will eventually cause sin against flesh, we are bag full of lustful flesh. I activate in my flesh all the time, even this morning and yesterday I had been harboring bitterness towards my roomate. For correcting me on being messy, sounds stupid. But I sinned against G-D , I had bitterness against Jesus himself, and I greived the holy spirit. Knowing all of this, you can repent and turn from your wicked ways you can make things right. I made things right, apoligized... hey I do this often... very very often. Today I was going to fast, I was so discouraged with my behavior, I let condmendation creep in. Which a sin in itself, when we allow satan to push us around we abandon our sword.. God's word to counteract his attack. When stand firm on his word, we are cleansed by the blood of Jesus, we have a clean slate, we are a new creation. Satan knows if he can get you to believe in lies, that you will act out of self pity to these lies. You will hide from God, you will abandon God and his light that burns the impurities off of you. I think this is how Adam and Eve were so decieved, God all knowing knew they had sinned, and I'm guessing knew that mankind would fall short of his Glory.. and he made them anyways, isn't that great? After they had eaten from the fruit, they hid from God. Satan not only got them to fall into sin, he got them to run away from the almighty. God must have been so hurt to see and know his children chose the pride of life, instead of taking pride and confidence in their daddy. They sought their own gain , not his. They were in it for their Glory not his. How devestated he must've been, to see that they hid from him afterwards. Satan likes to feed us lies that go against the knowledge of God. We are seperated from God because of our sin, but brought back to his presence when we are cleansed by the precious blood of Jesus. We are then clean, and can boldly approach his throne. But you will never trust that fact, unless you keep your sword and fight off the condemnation that satan feeds you. If we truly knew who we were in Christ, if we truly know that we could be holy as he is holy, no matter what habitual sin we seem to fall into over and over again. If we put on the knowledge of God and reject the lies of Satan. We could operate in holiness giving Glory to the Lord. You have to first show him your filth, before he can wipe you clean. And how can he wipe you clean, when you hide from him? A lot is going on in my heart lately, I've dealt a lot with idolatry I can feel when I lust after earthly things that don't satisfy. Whether it be clothes, money the root of all evil, or things that I feel like I need or have to have. Like Coffee, Food, or clothes. What would it look like for me to trust that Jesus would clothed me in splendor like he does the lilies of the field? Or take care of my every need like he does the ravens of the field? For I normally trust not in God, but man and myself. I've come to realise this idolatry in my life. But my heart has turned more towards the pride of life lately.. I am so utterly prideful with my ministry, my prayers, my outreaches, my love, my life, But God confronts the church over and over again in Revelation. About them not loving their lives so much, as to shrink from death, he warns them if they do, he will not be pleased with them. He encourages them to stay strong, and not love their lives, but to be heavenly minded. To love and desire to be, and gain Christ , and not to fixate their eyes on earthly things.I know that lately their has been something stirring within me for more of this life, their is more than what I see. Their is more that my heart and soul long for. I need to see a tangible passion, revelation, reality, adventure, artistic expression, wreckless abandonement I have become drawn to these things. And seek the people and things that possess these things. I have been consumed with thoughts of a wreckless abandonment, to really give and pour my all out. To be a true hippie, but not for some bogus political conspiracy. But for the sake of knowing him, and him knowing me. Or at least thats what I think I would like to be a hippie for. See I've realised that I have a lot of pride in my life, and with pride you will naturally cling to things that you yourself can boast in. But as I covered before I'm not supposed to boast in anything but Jesus Christ. I've been clinging to other idols, and yet my heart still does not fully love Jesus. I have to have a wholehearted love for him. But I'm too busy with my own plans to grasp him, my own pride, my own ideals, and pursuit of all the attribute of God, I miss him completely. See just like it talks about in revelation he stands at the door and knocks. And I think that when we enter this time in our life, our early 20's , maybe it's more like a pre- mid life crisis. You have more authority to actually start and take off your life. The choices you make now are going to impact your whole future so you want to make the right ones. Your searching for truth, meaning, purpose, and for reality. A lot of people that have this hunger and desire for more, have been able to see past the temporary pleasures to see that their nothing but plastic worthless idols. Nothing tangible that will actually last, or that they could actually base their life off of. So we take off in our pursuit, to chose are spouse, our education, where we will live, if we'll use credit, if will buy a house, a car, if we'll get a tattoo, where our travels will lead us. We young people, our generation have a spiritual hunger and yearning for the reality of Jesus, of the God almighty. And we don't even know it. Ahh we pursue the attributes of God and we forget him. We lay hold of a ministry, a person, a truth, a church, and we think thats all there is.. and we settle. But keep pressing on beloved, you haven't even grasped it yet. We want true zeal, true passion, true realities.. but we go about pursuing these things on our own will, merit, plans and ideals. See I've realised their are two types of people in this world, people that pursue Money,greed, things, kingdoms, these are the materialistic ones.. and they can grasp so much but it never lasts long. Even the richest of rich are never satisfied or fulfilled.. but they buy into the lie. And will spend their lives on a step latter to materilistic euphoria, but little do they know they are on a step latter to hades. I still jump on that latter, then I have to check myself. Then theirs another type of people the spiritual, the hippies, the knowledge seekers, the idealist, the political, these people pursue truth and reality. And they don't care to what extreme or to what extent they have to fight for something, because they already see past the materialistic they are pursuing truth. But this in itself is a vain pursuit, see others will cling to other religions, abstract philosophies, or revert to atheism a religion in itself. And they will spend their whole lives fighting, and striving for truth. But unless they seek Jesus the one their souls longs for, the one that truly satisfies. They will never fulfill this, but on the judgement seat before Christ. They will come to an end of themselves, their truth will be nothing in the sight of the almighty. They will boast in nothing, when they stand in the presence of the one who knows all. The same thing with materialistic idolaters, they're kingdom will not carry over to the heavenly relm. And their lives will be nothing in the sight of his firey eyes, that pierces the heart. I swing more towards being the people that wants an overall truth and reality that is tangible. I am captivated by people that had this same hunger in their souls that I have. Sadly some of them never knew it was Jesus and his blood that would fulfill and lead them in a true pursuit of knowledge, and realities. I look at them with sadness, because not only did they reject the world and it's materials that don't satisfy to be lonely on their pursuit of truth. They cling to their philosphies that hold no truth or weight to themselves. What a lonely, meaningless world that must be. These people are only comended after death, but in hell no truth that gave them the peace of mind will be able to relent the wrath of the lamb on Justice Day, their relative truth simply won't matter. One interesting idealist I read up on recently, who really intrigued me was named Chris Mccandless. His heart was to leave all behind, and truly live out his favorite book the "Call of the Wild". He gave up everything , he wanted truth, reality, and peace that this materialisic life couldn't give him, and it became the end of himself.He wanted so bad to lay hold of something real and true, that he lived in the wilderness leaving his parents, family and friends. Only to die of starvation in an abandoned bus in Alaska. He might've made a lot of sense of this world, but without Jesus, he knowledge, philosphies, or zeal will mean nothing in the eyes of Christ. Christ weeps for souls that hunger to give themselves fully over to a cause, yet they reject the only true cause worth fighting for. Ghandi is also someone inspirational, he might've promoted another faucet for peace and love. But without Christ his love means nothing, it's only based on vanities. For we are the clay and he is the potter, we don't know how to love unless we go to the one our soul longs for. Nothing matters, for it is all passing away. We are like grass here today gone tommorrow. Whatever good you promoted on earth will fade away, and nothing will stand but God's word and we KNOW that he always keeps his word. So that means that our hearts are going to be utterly and fully exposed on the day of his judgement. My mind can't fathom this, everything I did for vanities sake will be like hay burned in the fire, while my pure motives will be gold refined in the fire. I'm afraid looking at my heart, and it's motives I will be like a pile of hay, with only fragments of gold dust in the midst of it all. I love going to the website last days ministry, I've become quite a fan of Kieth Green,he's one of thos e people that pursuid truth. He based his whole life on searching for reality, truth, peace, and love. He abandoned the materialistic life of hollywood and set out on a spiritual journey that he filled with drugs and philosphers of the hippie era. He settled on the teachings of Jesus, he came to the conclusion that all other religions at least recognized him to be a prophet, or respected teacher. He started to study Jesus and without his knowledge fell in love with this man. People would ask him are you a christian? And he would reply "No, I just like Jesus". Eventually his obsessive likeness of Jesus, led him to tear apart his girlfriends spiritual witch craft books. He was living with his girlfriend Melody, when he bought crosses that he liked to wear on his neck, he then gave one to Melody his girlfriend. He later told Melody it would be good for them to get married, and in a church, a chapel. Finally after Jesus had wooed his desperate eager heart over to his loving arms, Jesus fed him the word of God. And Keith radically became saved and changed, knowing the truth of God's word. He fell more in love with Jesus knowing that he would be with him one day. I think a lot of christians today, don't simply admire, like, and study Jesus. If a eager , humble sinner can recognize and pursue Jesus, why can't us Christians? Or what about A.J Jacobs this self proclaimed Agnostic set out to live life biblically for a year. He wanted something to pour out his life into, he wanted truth. He was fascinated with Religion. He did his best at obeying even the laws of Leviticus, Deuteronomy, and Judges. He wanted TRUTH, he wanted Realities, he surrendered his will but he never surrenedered his heart. He liked Gods law, and had peace and security from reading it. But he never fell in love with the author of it. For he would not let himself believe in this loving Father. He like the practicality of God, Religion, and pursuit of Truth. I think a lot of us "Christians" are like A.J Jacobs. We like how religion works, we like the hand of God, the good feelings the security, and the title but we never fell in love with Jesus.If we don't LIKE Jesus how are we going to want to spend eternity with him? He would rather spit you out of his mouth, and send you away until your serious about following him, then he would you half heartedly follow him. We deny ourselves daily, because don't trust in ourselves and our knowledge and philosophies.And we don't trust in the materials and social step ladder of this world.We deny ourselves daily because he is the only pursuit worth fighting for. He is the only one that will feed your soul, for God has set eternity in the hearts of man. No other religion has a beloved Jesus that brought you into the presence of God, being cleansed and made new through his own precious blood. Without Jesus being my goal, answer, source, and truth. I am seeking vanities, I'm seeking my own name, fame, and glory. I can boast in a lot of outward things, but what outward accomplishes can I boast in before the eyes and throne of my father? I wan to travel the world, run a marathon, preach on hippie hill and in the inner cities, I want to backpack Israel, pursue Veganism, fast for 40 days, Go sky diving, travel to Calcutta, India, own a coffee shop, live with hippies, and offer myself all and fully. But if I pour out my life just for the sake of the pride of this life.. it still means nothing without Jesus. It still means nothing in his presence, all that matter is if I had whole hearted, wreckless abandonment to him and him alone. For his Glory not my own. I am nothing but grass.. here today gone tommorrow. I have come to the conclusion over and over again, that I have to love him more. I have to be true in my love. He sees when I go to the temple for selfish ambition, and vain conceit. He sees when my ministry, or my words, flesh in them and are selfish and boastful. I had vision one day at Deliverance Bible Church, see I had been praying that I would stop filling my life, words, and actions with myself. Like I said were a bagful of flesh. We were dirt bags and he swooped down from heaven and formed us and breathed breadth into our nostrils. The Living God did this! I wanted a reality of just how fleshly I had become. I saw a vision of me talking and when I opened my mouth to speak, I saw clearly bits of flesh and dust flying out my mouth, in a sudden puff like you see in special affects on movies. It was disgusting.. bits of flesh and dust bursting out my mouth, it was gross. Thats what it looks like when activate in our flesh. I was talking to some Muslims the other day that didn't quite grasp how Jesus could be God and Man at the same time, man I don't fully grasp it either, thats how heavenly amazing it is. And how my fleshly mind can't comprehent the awesomeness of it all. But anyways, They didn't get that. See Jesus had flesh all over him, he was in his flesh all the time 24'7. But he never allowed his flesh to overtake his spirit and become fleshly. He knew who he was, he knew his calling, he knew he was the father's son. He knew he was equally yoked with God, being with God since the beginning of time. He was obedient to the holy spirit that dwelled within him. The reason we don't act like Jesus does, is because first and foremost we like our flesh too much. We enjoy activating out of it, and taking things in through it. We need to pray that Jesus would stamp eternity on our eyeballs, Johnathan Edwards did this daily. He prayed and prayed this prayer, and he then preached one of the Greastest Sermons in American History called "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God". He preached it, and people shook, fell down, and clung to the pews. This was in the 1700's! Leanord Ravenhill was right when he said we don't truly want revival enough. Thats our problem, we like our flesh too much, and were comfortable with going without revival. We are content in our lives, and boast much in it. We hold the pride of life, beloved I am wicked to my core. I just told you how much I activate in my flesh all the time! But I am convinced that if I hold fast to God's word, and speak it over my life, I can strive, and strain, and fix my eyes on the prize ahead. To eventually lay hold of being holy as he is holy. But I have to fix my desires, I can't desire my own kingdom I have to fix them on his. I can't desire my own will, I have to set my will on his. I have to DENY,DENY,DENY. Only then can I grasp the reality , and maybe taste a little more of the reality of this man named Jesus.

ज़अल फॉर थी हौस शाल कांसुमे मी!

Zeal! What a baptism of this same zeal the weak and wilting Church of this day needs. Zeal in this context is love ablaze. Zeal without reason becomes fanaticism. Jesus was not a fanatic. Yes, His love was blind to all the possible dangers of His mission. This love ignores personal safety, disregards the odds against it, drops "sacrifice" from its vocabulary, requires no crutches, ignores all danger, is intolerant of sin, but not fanatical.His was no sudden burst of anger; He had contemplated it all His life, but now the hour had come and men fled before His whip and holy anger.Leonard Ravenhill, 2/22/२००७
I absolutely Love this message.!!!

by Leonard Ravenhill
Enoch had prophesied, saying, "Behold, the Lord came with many thousands of His holy ones।" If Jesus had entered history like that, or had come on a dark night over Jerusalem in a blazing chariot of fire (like Elijah went up to heaven), then the clamoring crowds would have accepted and adored Him. But as the poet once said, "They were looking for a king, to bring salvation nigh, He came a little infant thing, that made a woman cry."

Cleansing the TempleThe local folk knew Jesus well, He was the best carpenter in the nation. But now He had stepped out of bounds, He accepted the nomination of that wild preacher John the Baptist as the Lamb of God. He had agreed to let the people mount Him on an ass and enter the city amid cries of "Hosanna." Now He had stirred the city by routing the moneychangers and cattle dealers from the temple. For almost thirty years He had watched men desecrate the place. He was outraged at their insolence and greed. He was disgusted that they had carpeted the temple courts with animal excrement, and polluted the place with the stench of urine.Each of the Gospels tells of the whipping Christ. But Luke makes a very valuable difference as he records the events in the life of Jesus. He says that before Jesus had entered the temple, while He was still entering Jerusalem, He had stopped to weep over the great city. So we have the weeping Christ before we had the whipping Christ. Since He was about His Father's business at twelve years of age, Jesus had trod the temple courts and had always been grieved and outraged that they were defiled not just with animal dung, but with red-eyed extortioners, cheating moneychangers, and cattle dealers. For thirty years He had been growing in grace and in the knowledge of His Father - now He knew His mission! And His explanation for this one-man attack on the sacrilege and defilement of the house of God is summed up in these words: "Zeal for Thy house will consume me."Zeal! What a baptism of this same zeal the weak and wilting Church of this day needs. Zeal in this context is love ablaze. Zeal without reason becomes fanaticism. Jesus was not a fanatic. Yes, His love was blind to all the possible dangers of His mission. This love ignores personal safety, disregards the odds against it, drops "sacrifice" from its vocabulary, requires no crutches, ignores all danger, is intolerant of sin, but not fanatical.His was no sudden burst of anger; He had contemplated it all His life, but now the hour had come and men fled before His whip and holy anger.
Spiritual Ecology"Pollution! Pollution!" cry the ecologists about our food, air, waters, and our auto emissions. But where, O where are the preachers crying out against the pollution in the churches? The heart of Jesus was broken over a nation that had the elect prophets of the Lord as its advisors. But who had heeded these prophets? They had not dined at kings' tables; they, like their Master, were despised and rejected of men. Some were men with scorching tongues, but they were also men with weeping eyes. Ah! but tell me if you can, where are the weeping preachers today?The cattle dealers in the temple were more interested in selling sacrifices than in offering them. And so today there are Christians at this very hour fighting feverishly for some political cause, and yet they are never heated over the wretched filth in their own church.Will we crusade against uncleanness in the "Church"? If not, better tell the sleepy saints again to eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we shall be raptured. But Jesus will not rapture a ruptured Church!
The Worst Thing In the WorldThere are some frightful tragedies in the world at this moment. When wise men swept aside the Bible, they told us that we would move into a new freedom for men. These wise men have proved that they are otherwise. Other smart men put their brains together to make a bomb so that we can turn a living city crisp in seconds. Then think of the implication of Afghanistan and Iran, the daily bleeding of millions in Kampuchea, and the masses waiting to leave Cuba. These are horrible things to contemplate, and yet I think there is one thing infinitely worse. It is a sick Church in a dying world.Never has the great U.S. ever been more broken than today. Broken marriages, leaving millions of broken homes. Thousands and thousands of teenagers whose minds are broken with drugs. The people's confidence and trust in the government is broken. The economy is broken - the once-mighty dollar is broken. All is broken except the hearts of the believers.We need broken hearts to face this colossal mess. Weeping is not only in order in the pulpit it is commanded! "Let the priests weep between the porch and the a/tar . . . let them howl." (Joel 2:17, 1:13) Jeremiah wept over the sin of Israel. David wept. Paul wept. John wept. Shall we remain dry-eyed in the most crucial chapter in world history and in our own?
Counterfeit ZealThe present lethargy in the Church is almost unpardonable. The Jehovah's Witnesses have zeal. The Mormons claim they are gaining more people from the evangelicals than we are gaining from them. The cultists zealously persist in getting a hearing in the streets.Saul of Tarsus had fanatical zeal. He threw men and women in prison and broke up their families, persecuting them from city to city. Miraculously God cleansed him, baptized him with fire, and made him a model zealot for His Kingdom.It is not enough in these days of such vast worldliness in the Church to say that we are fundamental or uncompromising in "doctrine." We must be ablaze with Holy Spirit-born anger. ("Be angry, and yet do not sin." Eph. 4:26) We must feel the hurt of God over the devil's domination of this age. We must apologize to the Almighty that we have turned to our own way, and have been more loyal to a manmade theology than to the exceedingly sober words of our Master. Like Paul, we must be able to say in His holy presence, This one thing I do..." I bear a broken heart over the coldness in the Church (including my own!). True, the zealous man of God lives for one thing only: to please God. He is impervious to the opinions of others about his zeal. He cares not what it costs him to burn out for God. In sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, whether he is esteemed or despised, flattered or flattened, considered a fool or a philosopher, through evil report or good report, kisses or curses, he is set to do the will of God!This man sees the Church today fouled with showmanship, bingo and bake sales, dances, tinsel and trivia, "holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power. (II Tim. 3:5) He sees the ministers condoning divorce in high places. Maybe his minister is divorced and remarried himself.Jesus today sees His Church unclean with disobedience by a watered-down gospel. We do not obey His commandments to "love one another," or rejoice to act out Matthew 23:11 "But the greatest among you shall be your servant." If there comes a man into the assembly with a gold ring, we do give him honor (James 2:2). If he has great wealth but little spirituality, he is still welcomed as a member of the board. We do not insist that our young preacher boys tarry (until they get a seminary diploma? No!) until they are endued with power from on high!
The Pharisee's PrayerThe Pharisee who prayed in the temple said, "God, I thank Thee that I am not like other people; swindlers, unjust, adulterers." There are many so-called Spirit-filled men today, who cannot even pray that prayer! Unjust they are for sure, they pay low wages and tell their workers that they are "doing this sacrifice for Jesus." Adulterers-there are famous preachers in this awful category. They, of course, have an explanation for their infidelity, yet many are accepted at conferences as keynote speakers. Extortioners - the radio preachers almost have this as a monopoly. A $25 Bible (God's Holy Word) is offered for a $100 gift! Other books are offered at five times their cost. "You are judging!" someone will say. Correct, I am told to judge (John 7:24). Jesus says, "Judge with righteous judgment." Also I, along with other true preachers of the Gospel, am a watchman and so have to warn others. Also, "judgment must begin at the house of the Lord." This bait to get money is an abomination. Preachers whine for money over the radio and television. "For this ministry" they say, and yet much of it is to sustain their extravagant lifestyle, costly airplanes, and fixing up luxury Bible conference grounds. And now they have joined the Pharisees who "rob widows' houses. After emptying your pockets while you live, they ask for your house and estate after you die. What next?
Stealing the GloryThis is a day of the personality cult. Men on TV gospel shows are presented as having given up so much for the Lord. All they gave up with their retirement from stardom was hell and eternal punishment. Let it be shouted from the housetops that no man does God a favor. Elegant living, etc. for the rich evangelists proves nothing except that they have not left all to follow Him. The Spirit-filled need no status symbols.The flattering introduction for gospel preachers is another great piece of blockage to revival. John 5:41 and 44 need soul-searching consideration. My heart is burdened and burning. God's house is polluted. The sinners scoff and say of the rich preachers, "Their creed is greed and their god is gold." We need a baptism of holy zeal to get us back to holy indignation that the money grabbers are back in the temple, and that God's heart is hurting.The Church began in the Spirit, now She is operating in the flesh. There is no pillar of fire over the sanctuary. There are no preachers who can hold the hell-bound spell-bound. I am not sure that it can be proved that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. It can be proved that the Church is fiddling while the world is burning! The one reason that we do not have revival today is that we are content to live without it.O for a generation of believers who can honestly say ,"Zeal for Thy house will consume Me."


लोर्ड इ वांट ठाट किन्दा ऑफ़ ज़अल!